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www.sn0tty.com: Closets & Promises
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/01/closets-promises.html
Jan 18, 2009. Photo: This is the shoe section of Mariah Carey's gratuitous closet; I can only imagine how many rooms she has for her teeny-tiny whoreshorts and her itsy-bitsy hookertops. This is not the closet of my dreams, but at least it's organized (BY HER STAFF). And how God is dead and expect a key to the city." I had to agree. That was probably one of the most insightful things he's ever said, but even so: negro. From now on- instead of sounding like an uneducated honky with no working teeth. Is my...
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www.sn0tty.com: The Curious Case of Crappy Movies
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/01/curious-case-of-crappy-movies.html
Jan 1, 2009. The Curious Case of Crappy Movies. We just watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Correction: we just watched the first 32 minutes. Of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Cynics said this movie was smarmy and contrived, another vanity project for Brad Pitt; some went so far to say it was poorly written, badly acted, and laughingly predictable. Those cynics? The Esq explains: "If Forrest Gump pooped. That is what this movie would be.". Now we're off to try the movie, Choke. January 02,...
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www.sn0tty.com: Eight Years & All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt/War/Recession/Secret Muslim in Office
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/01/eight-years-all-i-got-was-this-lousy-t.html
Jan 22, 2009. Eight Years and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt/War/Recession/Secret Muslim in Office. I'm glad I missed the speech: it was easier for me to read first, then watch. I have enjoyed Jon Favreau's. My ten-year old would have understood some of it, had he been remotely interested; on Election Day, when I asked him what he thought of Obama being the President-Elect, he rolled his eyes as hard as possible and said in a very put-upon voice, "HE'S BLACK. No blood for oil! HER (points to KJ). KJ: H...
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www.sn0tty.com: The Science of Sweet
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/01/science-of-sweet.html
Jan 30, 2009. The Science of Sweet. This is a horror story. Helvetica is fine, if a bit pedantic, but every Arial font drives me totally insane; the same goes for the Lucida family, Verdana, Comic Sans, and Franklin Gothic Medium. As fonts go, they're worthless: too boring, overused, or way too narrow. I'm a fan of Garamond for professional work, Century Gothic for kids, Bookman Old Style for letter-writing, and Trebuchet for this blog. So the Esq, who did most of the work (as a former Science Fair compe...
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www.sn0tty.com: Back in the Space-Traveling Saddle Again
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2008/09/back-in-space-traveling-saddle-again.html
Sep 9, 2008. Back in the Space-Traveling Saddle Again. What's a prime number? This godforsaken question was asked of me on my first day back at tutoring for. Although the little girl was ten, adorable. And very intent on learning, I wanted to say DAMN BITCH WHY YOU GOTTA BE ALL UP IN MY GRILL. I came here to volunteer and make a difference in my community, not teach you about imaginary made-up numbers! Isn't that what volunteering is all about? Prime number, prime number. FUCK. Is this even feasible?
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www.sn0tty.com: "World Peace."
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/01/world-peace.html
Jan 25, 2009. Miss America 2009 was on a couple of nights ago; we stopped to watch a couple of the girls do their 'thing', whatever that entailed. None of them impressed me (I say that like any of them ever have), and during the Evening Gown competition - also known as THE GLITTERY TRAIN TO NOWHERE - one fun-lovin' contestant said something like:. Snotty: Oh my GOD. Esq: Yes, Miss America should be more OOZING. Esq: That's the best word you could come up with? How about you VOMIT. Was it too hot? January...
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www.sn0tty.com: Middle School Blues
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2008/04/middle-school-blues.html
Apr 25, 2008. Sixth graders: more frightening than a barrel of serial killers. I volunteered as a tutor for the first time this week at 826Seattle, and it was an interesting character study of how Snotty regresses when surrounded by annoying pre-teens. I arrived at 3 pm to observe how everything works, and by 3:45 pm (that fast? I was twelve again. 826Seattle was a fun place to volunteer, but being twelve again. Was a shout and a shriek and a cackle all at once; that's the one I liked. My favorite th...
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www.sn0tty.com: The Fine Line Between 'Happy' and 'Bitter'
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/02/fine-line-between-happy-and-bitter.html
Feb 3, 2009. The Fine Line Between 'Happy' and 'Bitter'. I'm getting a little tired of writing "Oh em gee! Congratulations on your engagement! I'm so happy for you two! On everybody's Facebook pages. I'm not being uncharitable. I'm just being a bitch. Yesterday, my friend Carly got engaged- ohemgee! NO, I AM NOT JEALOUS OF MY FRIENDS. NUH-UH. AM NOT. A little. We can't afford toilet paper, much less a wedding; we're so broke, we can't afford to dream. I'm just astounded by the timing. If there ever w...
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www.sn0tty.com: Three Random Questions
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/01/three.html
Jan 29, 2009. 1 Who cares about the Native Americans? The Esq and I had a long conversation about this the other day, and if a Native American tribe dwindled down to nothing (as so many of them do), would you even know? There's a major conundrum around how they live versus how the world works. Where are the role models? Sherman Alexie can't be the only one. I'm slightly concerned and very befuddled. Manthony should have something good to say about this. (I care! Just looking out for your friends, but me.
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www.sn0tty.com: Electricity or Pies or Rainbows or Something
http://h0rk.blogspot.com/2009/02/electricity-or-pies-or-rainbows-or.html
Feb 1, 2009. Electricity or Pies or Rainbows or Something. It's always the people I hate the most that come back to this blog, time and time again. Oh, not YOU. But, you know, The Others. I'm not just pro-choice: I'm PRO-ABORTION. I think everyone should have at least four! Stick that in your rotting birth canals and smoke it. All so they could tell me how wrong, horrible, awful, misguided, angry, idiotic, stupid, and wrong. I was about everything, ever. I didn't start this blog to be hated. I just wante...
