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Absent Apologies

Tuesday, 12 May 2015. No, it's only okay when I do it. Optician Receptionist: Hi, can I help you? Me: Hi, I've got an appointment at 11:40 to have an eye removed. Optician Receptionist: Look of horror. Optician Receptionist: Look of realisation. Optician Receptionist: Hey, you shouldn't joke. That might be what it is. Mum: Your dad's set up a motion camera in the garden, so he can catch either a hedgehog eating mealworms, or a cat shoving them in its armpits. Me: In its armpits? Me: Is it any good? Me: Y...

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Absent Apologies | absentapologies.blogspot.com Reviews

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Tuesday, 12 May 2015. No, it's only okay when I do it. Optician Receptionist: Hi, can I help you? Me: Hi, I've got an appointment at 11:40 to have an eye removed. Optician Receptionist: Look of horror. Optician Receptionist: Look of realisation. Optician Receptionist: Hey, you shouldn't joke. That might be what it is. Mum: Your dad's set up a motion camera in the garden, so he can catch either a hedgehog eating mealworms, or a cat shoving them in its armpits. Me: In its armpits? Me: Is it any good? Me: Y...

<META> KEYWORDS

1 further familial excretions

2 labels pictures

3 short

4 calling the parents

5 me right

6 dad hello

7 me some coughing

8 dad no

9 dad yeah

10 dad 'coffee

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further familial excretions,labels pictures,short,calling the parents,me right,dad hello,me some coughing,dad no,dad yeah,dad 'coffee,me bye,dad bye,me what,me what box,it's dark,mum does dad's,later,christmas,this christmas,me *sigh*,posted by,email this

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Absent Apologies | absentapologies.blogspot.com Reviews

https://absentapologies.blogspot.com

Tuesday, 12 May 2015. No, it's only okay when I do it. Optician Receptionist: Hi, can I help you? Me: Hi, I've got an appointment at 11:40 to have an eye removed. Optician Receptionist: Look of horror. Optician Receptionist: Look of realisation. Optician Receptionist: Hey, you shouldn't joke. That might be what it is. Mum: Your dad's set up a motion camera in the garden, so he can catch either a hedgehog eating mealworms, or a cat shoving them in its armpits. Me: In its armpits? Me: Is it any good? Me: Y...

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absentapologies.blogspot.com

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Absent Apologies: May 2014

http://www.absentapologies.blogspot.com/2014_05_01_archive.html

Friday, 9 May 2014. Anatomy of a Short Note. We are off to a wedding. Well, girlfriend is off to a wedding and I’m being taken. Like a nice bag, but my tag’s come off so she can’t return me the next day. My job is to think of something to write on the gift card. We’ve bought them a clock. Well, girlfriend has bought them a clock. I approved the decision after the fact. Clock puns are the order of the day. Tick, tock, hands, face, time… time flies? Gosh I like Matthew Perry. Getting it out of my system:.

2

Absent Apologies: March 2014

http://www.absentapologies.blogspot.com/2014_03_01_archive.html

Sunday, 30 March 2014. It’s Mother’s Day, so I’ve bought mine some chocolate and she’s bought herself some perfume under the promise of reimbursement. I didn’t buy a card because I bought two last year and it’s finally the extra’s time to shine. We appreciate bargain cards in this household, so the discovery of what was basically a freebie put everybody in a good mood. And I batted back with a grin that said. 8216;Don’t hate the player, hate the game’. The number one adhesive for those judged most.

3

Absent Apologies: The Interrogation

http://www.absentapologies.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-interrogation.html

Sunday, 13 July 2014. She looked nervous, so I tried some small talk. Me: How did you hear about this? Perp: I saw a poster. Me: Yeah, me too. Perp: The one with Gollum on? Doesn’t fond recognition feel similar to actual amusement? Http:/ papersplease.wikia.com/wiki/Arstotzka. Perp: Do I know you? Me: I don’t know. Perp: I think we live in the same building. Did you have a fire drill last night? Me: Yeah, oh, yeah, hi. Perp: Do you recognise me? Me: Mmm, yeah. Social Conscience: What’s up? Me: It messes ...

4

Absent Apologies: April 2014

http://www.absentapologies.blogspot.com/2014_04_01_archive.html

Thursday, 10 April 2014. This is how I started. David Defeats the Giant" by. He tells me the best bet is to find the thirty-five times bigger piece of plastic on eBay and he’ll fit it. We scroll through the offerings, most of which have the exact same wee tiny mouse key damage because it’s a design flaw and nobody else could be bothered with placards either. Basically a pie chart of injustice. Though not, as you might expect, an Apple pie. Me: It’s not £10 for the part! It’s £9.99! Me: It’s not his.

5

Absent Apologies: December 2013

http://www.absentapologies.blogspot.com/2013_12_01_archive.html

Tuesday, 24 December 2013. Monday, 23 December 2013. In junior school I sent a girl an anonymous Valentine's card. It had a dragon on it which was blowing fire out of its nose. The fire formed the shape of a heart with a question mark in it. We all had drawers in our desks, so I got there early and put the card in hers. She found it and looked straight at me. Because I was the kid who was always doodling, so of course it was from me. She asked again so I tapped the side of my nose again, more forcefully.

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Tuesday, 12 May 2015. No, it's only okay when I do it. Optician Receptionist: Hi, can I help you? Me: Hi, I've got an appointment at 11:40 to have an eye removed. Optician Receptionist: Look of horror. Optician Receptionist: Look of realisation. Optician Receptionist: Hey, you shouldn't joke. That might be what it is. Mum: Your dad's set up a motion camera in the garden, so he can catch either a hedgehog eating mealworms, or a cat shoving them in its armpits. Me: In its armpits? Me: Is it any good? Me: Y...

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