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Uh, what? | Criggo

https://criggo.wordpress.com/2011/03/25/uh-what-3

Newspapers are going away. That's too bad. On March 25, 2011 at 6:00 am Leave a Comment. Feed for comments on this post. Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Enter your comment here. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:. Email (Address never made public). You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out. You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out. You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out. You are commenting using your Google account. ( Log Out.

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Funny2 - Actual Newspaper Headlines 1

http://www.funny2.com/headlines.htm

Goes Into A Bar. Actual Newspaper Headlines 1. Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in Second Hand Shop. Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway, Creates Jam. Kicking Baby Considered to be Healthy. Bush Argues That Economy is Fundamentally String. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group (thanks to Bob Morse). Navy Changes Skirt Policy, Making Apparel Optional. Stolen Painting Found by Tree. Dead Officer on Force for 18 Years. Robber Holds Up Albert's Hosiery.

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Funny2 - Odds are... 2

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Goes Into A Bar. Odds are. 2. Odds of being the victim of serious crime in your lifetime: 20 to 1. Odds of dating a supermodel: 88,000 to 1. Odds of being considered possessed by Satan: 7,000 to 1. Odds that a first marriage will survive without separation or divorce for 15 years: 1.3 to 1. Odds that a celebrity marriage will last a lifetime: 3 to 1. Odds of getting hemorrhoids: 25 to 1. Odds of being born a twin in North America: 90 to 1. Odds of being on plane with a drunken pilot: 117 to 1.

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Funny2 - Henny Youngman Jokes 1

http://www.funny2.com/henny.htm

Goes Into A Bar. Henny Youngman Jokes 1. Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that! I told her, "You did it last week! I was just in London - there is a 6 hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry. The food on the plane was fit for a king. "Here, King! My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, "Cough! See, what did I tell you?

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Funny2 - Homer Simpson Quotes 1

http://www.funny2.com/homer.htm

Goes Into A Bar. Homer Simpson Quotes 1. A roadside barbecue stand? Everything tastes better when it's near a road! Just call me Borders Books, 'cause I'll always be here. I'm flying like the squirrel I always knew I was! I never leave a job unfinished. It's as true now as that week when I worked on the high school yearbook. So much infighting, I had to get outta there! Oh, my God! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius cannot be stopped! What do I do? I have be...

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Funny2 - Ned Flanders Quotes

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Goes Into A Bar. Sorry is not just the most exciting board game ever devised, it's a word I need to hear from you! You're never bored painting the Lord! Can I make my famous mimosa? A little sparkling water in a glass full of regular water? If gambling is OK, then I'm getting health insurance for the kids! Did a volcano erupt in Candyland? Cause I just caught me a flyin’ red hot! Why, he lives right next door to me. Yeah, when they made him, they did not skimp on the puppy dog tails. Whoa, slow down!

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Funny2 - Interesting Quotes 1

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Goes Into A Bar. Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. - Groucho Marx. If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher. In China, when you're one in a million, there are 1,300 other people just like you. - Bill Gates. It is very simple to be happy, but it is very difficult to be simple. - Rabindranath Tagore. The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them. - Mark Twain. This job will drive me to drink, and...

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Funny2 - Mitch Hedberg Quotes 1

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Goes Into A Bar. Mitch Hedberg Quotes 1. I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semicircle. I tried to have a cookie, and this girl said, I'm mailing those cookies to my friend. So I couldn't have one. You shouldn't make cookies untouchable. I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage. Has anyone seen me on Letterman? It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo. I said, Well, you could say 'Action!

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Funny2 - True Facts 1

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Goes Into A Bar. The youngest pope was 11 years old. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses. Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner. They have square watermelons in Japan - they stack better. Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs. Armadillos can be housebroken. Thomas Edison,...