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The Clare Diaries: November 2005

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Monday, November 28, 2005. Had a most beauteous time at Hamster Ramster's hen night. 'Twas marred slightly by a brief incident which I shall now relate. Uopn ariving at Hamster Ramster's Birmingham hotel, I asked the receptionistist if I could speak to the great Ramster is her room. 'But of course' said the receptionist, graciously. Ramster did answer the phone, and I did say,. Hamster Ramster, where are you? Get your arse down here now', whereupon Ramster replied,. This is Harriett's mother.'. Turned up...

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The Clare Diaries: February 2006

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Friday, February 10, 2006. Went to see Noel Gallagher's antics at an Oasis concert in Sheffield, chauffered by Tin Tin (me, not the concert). We stopped at a service station, and visited a good, old-fashioned Wimpy 'restaurant', where they served us burgers in BROWN buns. Posted by Clare Woodward @ 1:40 AM. Links to this post. Saturday, February 04, 2006. The following day, I met Fluffball's Mom's cats, all of which ran away. Holly the kitten made a very strange noise when I petted her briefly as she...

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The Clare Diaries: August 2006

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Monday, August 14, 2006. Helen and Steve's tremendous dance routine was the highlight of their lovely wedding day. Helen had obviously had Steve practicing! My present, of course, was the biggest on the present table, as I kept pointing out to people. I scoffed my chocolate lolly pop as soon as I saw it 'cause it was half past five, and I had had no food all day. The best man's speech consisted of '.and then Steve threw up' repeated several times. Posted by Clare Woodward @ 9:24 PM. Links to this post.

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The Clare Diaries: January 2006

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Tuesday, January 31, 2006. T'other day, I was taking a nice walk in the arboretum when I came upon a small dog. Stooping to pet it, I soon found that the beast had jumped up me and left dark mud all over my light-coloured clothing. I berated the animal's owner, whereupon a conversation began, and it was not long before Tony and I were strolling along together. And 'Shall I show you my cock behind the bushes? All too soon, our paths parted. Bye bye Tony.'. Bye bye Clare.'. Links to this post. In a packed ...

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The Clare Diaries: May 2006

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Tuesday, May 30, 2006. Why were all the bars and clubs in Walsall closed tonight? Yes, I know it's a bank holiday, but after three red bulls, I was well up for a party. To make up for my disappointment, Max gave me a frog he'd found in his latest geocache find. (No, not a REAL one, you silly lot of moos! Posted by Clare Woodward @ 12:34 PM. Links to this post. Friday, May 26, 2006. Flat purchasing is going well - I just hope these buggers don't pull out like the last lot did. Links to this post. Had a di...

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The Clare Diaries: March 2006

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Saturday, March 25, 2006. Dylan is my new best friend, and I plan to meet him this year. Handbagimal was reincarnated in larger form than before, so expect to hear the song repeatedly, often and constantly. (a pink., cordrouy handbag with a life of its own, for those who haven't met him.). Thank you all for your lovely cards and gifts, and for helping me celebrate my birthday in style. Posted by Clare Woodward @ 2:11 AM. Links to this post. Sunday, March 12, 2006. Posted by Clare Woodward @ 2:03 AM.

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The Clare Diaries: April 2006

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Tuesday, April 25, 2006. Easter has been an exciting time, what with a flat purchase that has fallen through, new friend Rob doing the Riverdance in his walking boots (at my behest), and much petting and feeding of ferrets and goats at Hoo farm by myself and Kate. Bec-Bec's birthday meal was a hoot, and lasted four hours, during which the rest of the guests did their utmost to sit as far away from me as possible. What? And I'd had a bath that night as well! Posted by Clare Woodward @ 1:35 AM.

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The Clare Diaries: July 2006

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Sunday, July 23, 2006. The evening didn't go entirely to plan. This was the plan: make our way to Delamere Forest with our Leo Sayer concert tickets, capture Leo Sayer, drive him home in the boot of Michael's Nissan Micra (after all, Leo is only five foot, four), install Leo in a specially adapted cell/spare bedroom, force Leo to write and perform new songs at the rate of at least one a week in return for food, drink and sexual favours. Posted by Clare Woodward @ 12:49 AM. Links to this post. I am sad 'c...

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The Clare Diaries: December 2005

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Wednesday, December 21, 2005. A staggering eight hours in the studio, plus production time, has delivered this year's must have single, available from all good people called Clare Woodward. (Actually, no, that last bit's probably not true). 'Fading Away' is available in three versions- orchestral, acoustic and purely instrumental (ie. no vocals - those of you who have heard me sing will probably prefer this version). Posted by Clare Woodward @ 1:01 AM. Links to this post. Saturday, December 17, 2005.