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The Path With Heart: April 2014
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The Path With Heart. Adventures of a werehorse. Tuesday, 8 April 2014. I feel wild. Confrontational. Combative. And like doing something dangerous. "The path of excess leads to the tower of wisdom" - William Blake. "We slip through the streets while everyone sleeps" - The Cure. It's making me say "fuck". But it's also making me laugh. Thursday, 3 April 2014. Will be different, and won't end up that way. But the conclusion I have come to is that the shifting pattern of my moods and perceptions is not goin...
werehorse.blogspot.com
The Path With Heart: Acceptance
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The Path With Heart. Adventures of a werehorse. Thursday, 3 April 2014. I realise that my last post might have sounded rather miserable. I'm not miserable. I'm actually feeling quite light-hearted and energetic. It's just that there are only so many times you can go through the same cycle without recognising that something needs to change. Will be different, and won't end up that way. By my disorder. And people with disabilities aren't expected to recover. Wow, this post really got to me. Ive been li...
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The Path With Heart: September 2013
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The Path With Heart. Adventures of a werehorse. Sunday, 29 September 2013. I feel like I can't trust anyone or anything. I'm becoming scared even to write here. I wish I didn't have to leave the house. Dreams and memories and things I've read over the years return to me, and they seem significant, like clues to a puzzle I need to solve. Friday, 27 September 2013. I Don't Like How I Feel. Sunday, 22 September 2013. So much fear. Just fear, fear, fear. It's exhausting. I'm tired of trying to be...I can't c...
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The Path With Heart: November 2013
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The Path With Heart. Adventures of a werehorse. Tuesday, 26 November 2013. Saturday, 23 November 2013. My mood is good to high right now, but my thinking is very very disorganised. Thoughts don't follow on from each other but leap around and often aren't completed. Words and phrases repeat. Then there are periods of blankness. It's a problem. And it makes it very hard to actually decide to do something and then do it. It's no wonder I don't tend to achieve very much in my life. Monday, 18 November 2013.
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The Path With Heart: January 2014
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The Path With Heart. Adventures of a werehorse. Wednesday, 29 January 2014. Ecstasy where art thou? And I hardly slept last night, which is bad, very, very bad. It begins with a sense of panic over something you wrote on a website, and the warring compulsions to revisit the site and delete your words, and never to open that page again, just in case. Though in case of what, you're not quite sure. Then it goes further. That conversation you had yesterday? Wednesday, 1 January 2014. A Happy New Year? I fail...
werehorse.blogspot.com
The Path With Heart: March 2014
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The Path With Heart. Adventures of a werehorse. Monday, 24 March 2014. Failing, Flailing, Helping, Hoping? I had to admit to myself today that I am in the middle of an eating disorder relapse. And that I can't actually remember the last time it was this bad. 2010 maybe? So I have been disappointed and frustrated and annoyed with myself. The house is a mess and I haven't showered for a while and I haven't touched my paints or clay. I feel like I am wasting my life away. I'm really hoping I will be OK now.
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The Path With Heart: December 2013
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The Path With Heart. Adventures of a werehorse. Sunday, 29 December 2013. Ok, so maybe I'm not depressed exactly yet but my mood is dipping and I am distinctly lacking in energy and enthusiasm. If I stop to think I feel rubbish. It is as though there is a current trying to pull me below the surface. But I am fighting back. I could still be doing so much more, and in the evenings I have to fight off the thought that I haven't done enough, though I don't know what enough would be. Friday, 20 December 2013.