ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com
Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: DT&R's Look At New Year's Resolutions
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/07/dt-look-at-new-years-resolutions.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. DT&R's Look At New Year's Resolutions. By Brandon D. Christopher. This article is not only one of the greatest works of satire produced thus far in 2007 (top 750, at least) but also marks the first entry by our newest Associate Editor, Mr. Brandon D. Christopher. You might remember from such articles as "Athiests: What the Fuck's Their Problem? Please welcome him with open arms, buttholes, and vaginas. I didn’t call her a whore or anything. The Turd in Charge. Need the feeli...
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: The Last Dead Person On Earth, Part 1
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/07/last-dead-person-on-earth-part-1.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. The Last Dead Person On Earth, Part 1. By Brandon D. Christopher. In the first half of an appropriately-timed Being 13. Halloween tale, Brandon reminisces about the troubles of making his costume a little more macabre, mulls over the schoolyard currency of candy, and gets the first hint of an approaching adulthood full of women. She asked. I just spent forty minutes making you a living baseball player! Spooks get more candy than ball players, I replied. Between white, pasty ...
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: Cover Art We Couldn't Use Because We're Too Cheap
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/06/cover-art-we-couldnt-use-because-were.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. Cover Art We Couldn't Use Because We're Too Cheap. Click on the images for full size. Alan Seabourne wants to populate the world. If you have working ovaries and a decently attractive vagina, please contact him on his MySpace page. Or his email address. For more information on how he can impregnate you. Want us to send you a copy of a specific issue? Have a problem with our protruding genitals? Email us, you fools!
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: True Tales Of The Irritation Tax
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/07/true-tales-of-irritation-tax.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. True Tales Of The Irritation Tax. By Brandon D. Christopher. Who hasn't stuck in to their boss literally and figuratively? I know I have, many, many times, in dark secluded corners of the store while only wearing a cock-ring and resting my balls in some jello. I suggest if you haven't yet bit the hand that feeds you, that you start immediately cause it feels so fucking good. Literally and figuratively. Can I get a large vanilla coffee and a toasted bagel with cream cheese?
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: Stereotypes To Make Your Life Easier
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/06/stereotypes-to-make-your-life-easier-by.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. Stereotypes To Make Your Life Easier. Asiatown had studied the WWII Japanese propaganda movies so thoroughly, he was convinced locking up the Japanese-Americans in US prison camps was a good thing. It took his new Japanese girlfriend’s amazingly tight vagina to persuade him that, although stereotyping can be funny in a "look-at-that-shitty-driver-he-must-be-Asian" way, it can only lead to hate and intolerance. I don't know - can I teach a porn class? If so, Viva Italia!
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: Cover Artwork We Couldn't Use Because We're Too Cheap, Part 2
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/07/cover-artwork-we-couldnt-use-because.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. Cover Artwork We Couldn't Use Because We're Too Cheap, Part 2. If the first five covers. We couldn't use because of our looked-down-upon frugality weren't enough for you greedy fuckers, Alan Seabourne has provided another five. Enjoy it, you goddamn dirty hippies. Click on the images for full size. Alan Seabourne wants to populate the world. If you have working ovaries and a decently attractive vagina, please contact him on his MySpace page. Or his email address.
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: A Call To Arms For The Society For The Evolution Of The English Language
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/07/call-to-arms-for-society-for-evolution.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. A Call To Arms For The Society For The Evolution Of The English Language. By Brandon D. Christopher. This brief missive by Brandon Dynamite Christopher is to be taken as an open declaration of war on the English language. Where do you stand? There will be no fence-straddlers in this war. Take a side! How many times have you had to pick up a pen and write some godforsaken story, letter, or school report only to find that the English language has let you down? What the fuck, I...
ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com
Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: Fashion Meets Silent Green: Part 2
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/07/fashion-meets-silent-green-part-2.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. Fashion Meets Silent Green: Part 2. By Brandon D. Christopher. Brandon Christopher, who achieved famed cult status for his Being 13 Series. Concludes his ascent to capturing the 51st slot in. Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People in 1987. His only regret is that they took pictures of the first 50 people, thus the world will never fully realize his clothing creation. To begin at the beginning, read Part One. I need this, mom. I need it bad. Faceman, from The A-Team. I’m not qui...
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: Murder and The Rubber Weiner
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/06/sdfksflsddkjffdlkfjdk.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. Murder and The Rubber Weiner. By Brandon D. Christopher. This is the first in a series of essays by Brandon D. Christopher about life during his thirteenth year entitled, cleverly enough, Being 13. As the above picture illustrates, this is one of the more interesting tales. Do we throw stuff at cars? Willie asked me as we walked up a quiet avenue toward our destination. Better than that, I replied. We are going to put on a play, a murder play! We stood beside each other on t...
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Duct Tape & Rouge Archives: Captain of Polliwogs, Part 1
http://ducttapeandrouge.blogspot.com/2007/07/captain-of-polliwogs-part-1.html
Duct Tape and Rouge Archives. Captain of Polliwogs, Part 1. By Brandon D. Christopher. In this first part of this Being 13. Nautical adventure, Brandon hunts sperm-shaped creatures and commissions a drop-kicking sailing vessel. It was just too much for someone to handle, pretend-winter or not. I arrived at the corner of Sancola Ave. and the alley, and looked around for any indication of Willie or his find. Nothing stood out from the ordinary: It was still an abandoned old alley, only frequented a...I saw...