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Am Not Blog: April 2010

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Monday, 19 April 2010. Gordon Ramsay's filthy mouth. Hell's Kitchen USA is currently on ITV 2, that "cookery" programme in which Gordon Ramsay gratuitously swears profusely at contestants in the most contrived manner possible. The irony is nearly comical. Gordon Ramsay has to pick a winner; that is, the chef who's produced the tastiest food. However, isn't it strangely ironic that to get people to produce really beautiful food, out of Ramsay's mouth emanates the most toxic and vile language? Oh diddums c...

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Am Not Blog: January 2010

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Sunday, 24 January 2010. Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie divorce in shock Manchester United shirts*. Obvious rubbish but for the sakes of SEO (aka making your site credible in the eyes of Google) we have to insert important words into the title. Yes, I know. So. The problem is that the internet in South Africa is reliably shit so you can't really do much. I was on holiday there, it was nice. But now I am back in the UK, which is nice. Sort of. Although that's not what I wanted to show you. 1/ I will take a n...

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Am Not Blog: Sunday shagfest

http://amnotblog.blogspot.com/2009/07/sunday-shagfest.html

Sunday, 12 July 2009. You've been to Bond Street. I know I have, which is where I am right now. There's a poster on the wall at the interchange with the Jubilee and Central Lines and in the poster there is a guy who I recognise. And he's standing next to another guy who I know. And his friend is someone who looks familiar too. Oh, this is ridiculous. Once again D&G have lined up some Italian sportsmen to pose in their underwear and the terribly embarrassing thing is, I've slept with them all*. Oh yes&#46...

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Am Not Blog: Keeping it brief

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Monday, 1 December 2008. If you've been on the Tube in the last few days you couldn't have missed the following poster which is stuck up in just about every station on the network. This one is from Bond Street but this evening I spotted other copies at Queensway and Tottenham Court Road. The ad is for D&G (who? And it shows five Italian rugby players. Using buff sportsmen as underwear models is apparently très chic and never been done before. Real name: Benito Bocchino. The one on the left is Tito Tirare.

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Am Not Blog: Who's your mummy?

http://amnotblog.blogspot.com/2008/11/whos-your-mummy.html

Tuesday, 18 November 2008. Tonight I speak to my mother who is chipper as she tells me of the wonderful weekend she's had. She says that on Friday night a group of her women-friends got together, they drank and ate, then ended up downing tequila at the Beulah bar for lesbians in Green Point in Cape Town. Shit It was far better when she was disapproving of that sort of thing. Who'd have thought she'd now be gloating about her Friday nights spent at the local bush bar? It'll end at Christmas with her givin...

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Am Not Blog: Black Saturday

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Saturday, 18 July 2009. I wake up. No alarm clock. The pall of death hangs in the air. For today is the day. I'd like you to meet the twins. They're my gym shoes and the sad thing is, their time is up. The soles are thin and they're beginning to hurt my feet when I run in them. It is a sad day because today these shoes will officially meet their maker. Indeed, they are headed for the great Chinese sweatshop in the sky. But we do not mourn their passing, we celebrate it. Given their pretty unusual heritag...

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Am Not Blog: November 2009

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Wednesday, 25 November 2009. Wednesday, 25 November 2009. When my dad used to say that he never had enough hours in the day I always used to think that he said it because he really was too busy and that the day wasn't long enough. And then someone said that people who say that they never have enough hours in the day use it as an excuse because they're disorganised. And that idea stuck because for a few years my dad wasn't my favourite person in the world. I get home and I make my food for the morning and...

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Am Not Blog: The End

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Wednesday, 30 June 2010. This was my life but life moves on. I have moved on. Thank you for reading when you did. All of this and everything that's gone before it will stay up until someone decides it should be taken down. I know I should have done it sooner. The End. The End. The End. If you want further entertainment try Random Hot Guys. It's at http:/ www.randomhotguys.com. I dont get it - just the end of this particular blog, but not the end of you blogging, right? I love your blog Cox! Xs and os,.

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Am Not Blog: Comeback queen

http://amnotblog.blogspot.com/2008/11/comeback-queen.html

Saturday, 29 November 2008. If Elvis had re-emerged from the dead and crawled onto the stage in a wedding dress singing Like A Virgin, they would have been like "meh.". Instead on X-Factor we were witness to Britney's comeback. Of course the media completely talked the whole thing down. I think it may have been one of the tabloids that described it as the greatest reappearance since Jesus. You can always rely on the newspapers to keep things in context. You Womaniser. You you you you. Womaniser&#...Sudde...