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Grief is Ugly

Friday, March 23, 2012. It is now three weeks until Holden's first birthday. What do I do? Nothing will be adequate. Nothing will be good enough. It would be good enough if I could set him in his high chair with a smash cake on the tray wearing only a diaper and sit and watch, take pictures and laugh, as he takes his first bite of refined sugar. That's all I want. Why is it so much to ask? Instead I am trying to figure out the perfect way to honor him. Honor him? Always hoping that someone, anyone, who k...

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Grief is Ugly | griefisugly13.blogspot.com Reviews
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Friday, March 23, 2012. It is now three weeks until Holden's first birthday. What do I do? Nothing will be adequate. Nothing will be good enough. It would be good enough if I could set him in his high chair with a smash cake on the tray wearing only a diaper and sit and watch, take pictures and laugh, as he takes his first bite of refined sugar. That's all I want. Why is it so much to ask? Instead I am trying to figure out the perfect way to honor him. Honor him? Always hoping that someone, anyone, who k...
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Grief is Ugly | griefisugly13.blogspot.com Reviews

https://griefisugly13.blogspot.com

Friday, March 23, 2012. It is now three weeks until Holden's first birthday. What do I do? Nothing will be adequate. Nothing will be good enough. It would be good enough if I could set him in his high chair with a smash cake on the tray wearing only a diaper and sit and watch, take pictures and laugh, as he takes his first bite of refined sugar. That's all I want. Why is it so much to ask? Instead I am trying to figure out the perfect way to honor him. Honor him? Always hoping that someone, anyone, who k...

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griefisugly13.blogspot.com griefisugly13.blogspot.com
1

Grief is Ugly: November 2011

http://griefisugly13.blogspot.com/2011_11_01_archive.html

Wednesday, November 23, 2011. Why do I remain optimistic? Why do I keep insisting to look on the bright side? Why do I keep believing that good will somehow prevail and that someone in a position that matters will actually give a shit about these kids and what they are going through? If their own mother doesn't, why should anyone else? And the people who actually do, can't do a damned thing about it. I am physically sick about this. Sick. Seriously. Should I just give up? A few hours with his corpse, whi...

2

Grief is Ugly: August 2011

http://griefisugly13.blogspot.com/2011_08_01_archive.html

Saturday, August 6, 2011. But the words don't come. They are trapped inside my head, fighting over each other to get out. But here I am today. Saying a whole lot of nothing. I do know this. I miss my boy. I miss Holden. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). View my complete profile. Simple template. Powered by Blogger.

3

Grief is Ugly: Things I have Learned About Myself

http://griefisugly13.blogspot.com/2011/11/things-i-have-learned-about-myself.html

Sunday, November 13, 2011. Things I have Learned About Myself. Most of which I don't particularly like, but hey, it's me. At least I know now, and I can work on them. I need approval and praise. I hate being made to feel as if I am less intelligent than someone or less experienced, green. I've been this way since I was small. Friends would be telling me something new that they learned and I would say, in an adorably exasperated tone (only adorable because I was seven years old), "I KNOW! Hope things star...

4

Grief is Ugly: September 2011

http://griefisugly13.blogspot.com/2011_09_01_archive.html

Tuesday, September 6, 2011. Or "Welcome to My Nightmare.". I still some days, when I hear that enchanting chirp that is my alarm, roll over, slap the snooze button, and hope I hear a cry. Just a little whimper maybe? Something. Or maybe I will put my hand on my massively bulbous belly, feel those good strong kicks, and I will realize. But it's not. It's not just a nasty, horrendous, cruel, horror-show-that-is-my-new-life, big, fat, fucking dream. And I hate it. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom).

5

Grief is Ugly: Dear Fourth Grade Teacher,

http://griefisugly13.blogspot.com/2011/11/dear-fourth-grade-teacher.html

Monday, November 14, 2011. Dear Fourth Grade Teacher,. I am so glad that you are my daughter's teacher this year. Just knowing that you also had a sibling who was stillborn, helps me feel like someone understands her. I know she often feels as if no one truly does. That just because we never brought her brother home from the hospital doesn't mean she never had a brother at all. November 15, 2011 at 2:49 PM. I know that this is far from the point but Meadow is such a beautiful name. I think the loss of a ...

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Friday, March 23, 2012. It is now three weeks until Holden's first birthday. What do I do? Nothing will be adequate. Nothing will be good enough. It would be good enough if I could set him in his high chair with a smash cake on the tray wearing only a diaper and sit and watch, take pictures and laugh, as he takes his first bite of refined sugar. That's all I want. Why is it so much to ask? Instead I am trying to figure out the perfect way to honor him. Honor him? Always hoping that someone, anyone, who k...

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