laughmom.com
It’s like “More Cowbell,” but with vagina
http://www.laughmom.com/2012/08/its-like-more-cowbell-but-with-vagina
It’s like “More Cowbell,” but with vagina. Me: They’ll probably just remove my uterus. Dave: So, how does that work, exactly? Me: How does….what….work? Dave: If they take it out, how do we…. Me: They don’t remove my vagina. Dave: Right, but…. Me: They’ll take out my uterus and cervix. Me: You don’t have sex with my cervix. You occasionally bump into it and irritate me, but your penis does not ever go inside my cervix. It’s a closed thing. Dave: Yes. That would be awesome. Me: I don’t even…. By Laugh, Mom.
laughmom.com
Asking for it
http://www.laughmom.com/2013/04/asking-for-it
On June 7, 1998 in Jasper, Texas, James Byrd Jr. Was beaten, urinated on and dragged behind a pick-up truck along an asphalt road until his eventual death by decapitation. But he was a black man in the South and he accepted a ride from three white men, so he was asking for it. On the night of October 6, 1998 near Laramie, Wyoming, Matthew Shepard. Was robbed, tortured and left tied to a fence to die. But he was gay and he knew people in Wyoming were homophobic, so he was asking for it. Just asking for it.
laughmom.com
I Love Lucy
http://www.laughmom.com/2013/04/i-love-lucy
I don’t even like cigarettes. Never got hooked. Always found them a bit repulsive. When I was driving around by myself, blasting the radio, smoking cigarettes, I would get this incredible high. Sure, part of it was a nicotine buzz. But mostly, it was the high of independence. Slipping through the world anonymously with no thought to where I was supposed to be. To who I was supposed to be. Just…being. Now, I’m 35. I have birthed enough children to be considered an honorary Duggar. To look at along the way?
laughmom.com
LaughMom.com
http://www.laughmom.com/page/3
Three Dreams, Realized. You know that thing I do where I’m always over-sharing on the internet? So, it turns out that for as much as I tell you guys, there’s a lot that I keep to myself. For example, if we’re not friends on Facebook, then I failed to tell you that 18 months ago, we bought a [.]. Happy Mother’s Day, Fatty. This morning… Hen: Mom, we’re going to ride horses for Mother’s Day. Me: Did you just ruin a surprise? Peanut: What did he say? Me: Hen, [.]. Hen: No. Me: Is Daddy fat? 50 Shades of WTF.
laughmom.com
If friendship had a flavor, ours would taste like regret
http://www.laughmom.com/2013/04/if-friendship-had-a-flavor-ours-would-taste-like-regret
If friendship had a flavor, ours would taste like regret. Airplanes. Penicillin. Atari. All super awesome inventions. But, as far as I’m concerned, the 20th Century invention with the greatest impact on civilization? Hands down. Caller ID. I recognize that this probably makes me an asshole, but, c’mon…email me, Facebook me, Tweet me, Skype me, Gchat me. There are so many ways to get ahold of me (that all involve me responding at my leisure if I like you enough to respond, but I digress), ...One notable e...
laughmom.com
LaughMom.com
http://www.laughmom.com/page/2
I am so fucking sick of teaching our daughters not to get raped. Trigger warning* I’m talking about rape and I’m fucking pissed off. Never take a drink from anyone or let your drink out of your sight. Don’t show too much cleavage. Be aware of your surroundings at all times. Never go to a boy’s room alone. If it comes to it, go for the eyes, the [.]. And a Happy VD to you…. And that’s how you know your kid is too old to see you naked. Me: No, you can’t touch my boobs. Hen: Why? Peanut: What is it? Me: Bar...
laughmom.com
You are not a slut
http://www.laughmom.com/2013/04/you-are-not-a-slut
You are not a slut. Fast forward a few years. I asked former classmates what clique they thought I had been part of in high school. “The girls who always knew how to find a good time.” “The partiers.” “The popular girls.” “The sluts.”. I was first called a slut in fifth grade. I had never held hands with a boy. Never been kissed. Never had a boyfriend. But I was labelled a slut. The first time that word made me feel bad, I was eleven years old. You know why I did those things? You are not a slut. There&#...
laughmom.com
And that’s how you know your kid is too old to see you naked
http://www.laughmom.com/2012/11/and-thats-how-you-know-your-kid-is-too-old-to-see-you-naked
And that’s how you know your kid is too old to see you naked. Hen: I see your boobs. Me: Ugh. Yes. I have boobs. Hen: They’re fat. Me: Yes. Boobs are fat. Hen: Can I touch them? Me: No, you can’t touch my boobs. Me: Because. They’re my boobs. You can’t touch other people’s boobs. Hen: When I’m a girl, can I touch my boobs? Me: You’re not a girl. You’re a boy. Hen:Your boobs look like guns. Hen: Or like popped balloons that all the air got out of. It is a miracle I don't drink more often. By Laugh, Mom.
laughmom.com
The Hustler’s Apprentice
http://www.laughmom.com/2013/05/the-hustlers-apprentice
The Hustler’s Apprentice. If you haven’t been watching (I mean, really? For the last few weeks I’ve been doing this Google Hangout series with some of my favorite ladies. I think according to Google it’s supposed to be some sort of parenting advice talk show thing, but since none of us are even remotely qualified to give parenting advice, we mostly just get plastered and talk inappropriately about our vaginas. As ladies do. 8221; or “how much did you drink? Letting me know that she had followed my advice...
laughmom.com
And a Happy VD to you….
http://www.laughmom.com/2013/02/and-a-happy-vd-to-you
And a Happy VD to you…. February 13, 9:30 pm, writing Hen’s name in black marker on $2.99 grocery store Batman Valentines with nothing in the “To” field because I totally lost the class list:. Dave: I don’t think there’s going to be a bunch of kids with handmade Valentines. Me: I think all the kids are going to have handmade Valentines. Have you seen the posts on Facebook? They’re all clever things with toys and candy and cards and crap. Dave: Fuck that shit. I am an asshole. By Laugh, Mom.
