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Good Old Uncle John: June 2012

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Saturday, June 30, 2012. PLUG FOR MY NEW BOOK. A QUICK PLUG FOR. But first, a few very important things you should know about how it all began. In the beginning, God said, "Adam, I gave you that really nifty penis to use, not sit around and stare at all day. Now, get out there and poke something.". Adam replied, "Up yours, dude. These animals get really pissed when I try that stuff, and I'm not getting my ass clawed all to hell just so you can watch.". To which Adam exclaimed, "Wow! Eve began to cry.

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Good Old Uncle John: March 2012

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Thursday, March 29, 2012. Have you ever wondered. Do politically correct children play Cowpersons and Native Americans? A question most of us choose to ignore, and rightly so. Who cares. A much more pressing issue, at least to us men, is when will mini-skirts return to fashion? But this attitude objectifies women, you say. Yes; it does. Sue me. While we're into questions, there's something I've. Always been curious about. Does anyone know those other ways to skin a cat? Posted by Johnnie McCoy.

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Good Old Uncle John: May 2013

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Sunday, May 26, 2013. FUN WAYS TO AGGRAVATE PEOPLE. Ask people what gender they are. Practice making fax and modem noises. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip.". If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Speak only in a "robot" voice. Blow your nose when some one is eating. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Name your dog "Dog.". Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

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Good Old Uncle John

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Sunday, May 26, 2013. FUN WAYS TO AGGRAVATE PEOPLE. Ask people what gender they are. Practice making fax and modem noises. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip.". If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Speak only in a "robot" voice. Blow your nose when some one is eating. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Name your dog "Dog.". Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

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Good Old Uncle John: VISIT MY STATE

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Saturday, June 2, 2012. The jewel of South Florida - a thin strip of glitter and sand.the sounds and smells of the bustling city of Miami wafting across the bay.the soft chattering of far away Uzis.the musty smell of backyard marijuana plants.young people in sidewalk cafes smoking cigarettes that, ever now and then, go "pop! Quiet and rural in nature.home of Silver Springs, mermaids and thousands of poor people whose job is to clean up the barns of the many rich horse breeders in the surrounding area...

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Good Old Uncle John: May 2012

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Thursday, May 31, 2012. THINGS I WANT TO GRIPE ABOUT. What's with these people who like to run around naked at the beach. If God had wanted us to be naked then we would have been born na.uh.wait.let me think about this one a minute. Newspaper article I would like to see - "The man who was fatally shot yesterday by a shop owner while robbing a jewelry store has been identified by police as "just another asshole." Persons wanting to claim the body will find it in the ditch behind the mall.". Wow, where are...

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Good Old Uncle John: April 2012

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Tuesday, April 3, 2012. Here's a few tips. HOW TO USE YOUR PC. Means "Personal Computer - there are other computers called Macs for snotty people). Getting Ready To Compute. A Computer - big metal box with an on/off switch on it somewhere. A Monitor - looks like a TV. A Keyboard - looks like an anemic typewriter. A Mouse - doesn't look like a mouse. Of the 4 things in the above list, notice that only one of them is a computer (the big box). If it doesn't come on, poke it harder. It will start "Bootin...

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Good Old Uncle John: EVERYBODY IS A POET

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Sunday, June 3, 2012. EVERYBODY IS A POET. My last wife complained that I never wrote her poetry. So, I did. A POEM A DAY FOR THREE DAYS. A sonnet, song, poetic verse. I've promised that I would converse. About a subject unsurpassed. What other but your beauteous ass. To compare of course would be a start. But thinking, would that be so smart. For what would compare. To what is there. Failing else compare I'll try. Like poets through the ages I. Will look for things up in the sky. To what you bare. At th...

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Good Old Uncle John: EVOLUTION FOR KIDS

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Sunday, June 3, 2012. Once, a million years ago, there was a family of Putzes: a mother Putz, a father Putz and several little ones. Among the little ones was a male named Schlup, and although Putzes were generally uniform in shape and size, Schlup. As the result of an unfortunate gene mutation. Time went by and Schlup grew into a strong, healthy. Teenaged Putz, and was allowed to accompany the adults on the daily hunt for Squrds. Schlup's best friend had a sister named Betty who was really hot. That the...