badtheology.blogspot.com
Bad Theology: Biff and Paul Get Acquainted
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/12/biff-and-paul-get-acquainted.html
Thursday, December 28, 2006. Biff and Paul Get Acquainted. One day, I loaned a suit to my cousin. My new cousin Paul had come into my Santa room. All the bubble lights percolated cheerily, the reindeer and an elf glowed with interior lights, and Paul's eyes kept darting around, trying to take it all in. Santa stood and waved his friendly wave, like always; his gears whirred, like always. Tell me about yourself, Paul," I said. She was the one that got killed . can I touch Santa? I nodded. "Okay. L...All t...
badtheology.blogspot.com
Bad Theology: How I started to Worship Santa
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/04/how-i-started-to-worship-santa.html
Monday, April 10, 2006. How I started to Worship Santa. One day, when I was 7, I decided to worship Santa. It was right after Christmas. I got lots of toys, my own black and white tv, a shotgun and a stud. I named the stud Hogan, after my favorite tv show. Santa got me everything I asked for, and I didn't even have to pray. For my birthday, I prayed to that cheapskate Jesus, and I never got my dog or gun or pony or anything I asked for. That Santa really delivered. So I set up a shrine. RC of strangecult...
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Bad Theology: Santa Remembers My Train
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/04/santa-remembers-my-train.html
Monday, April 24, 2006. Santa Remembers My Train. One day, I got my train. This was before Crystal came to live with Daddy. A few days before Christmas, Nanny Alice and George took me on a trip. We went to some beach where there were no other people. I didn't like it much. The water was cold, you couldn't see the bottom, and I was afraid of jellyfish. She prayed a lot, usually to Virgin Mary, but also to the others, except for Satan. Thank you thank you! Posted by Biff at 5:56 PM. Links to this post:.
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Bad Theology: Daddy is Strict
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/04/daddy-is-strict.html
Friday, April 14, 2006. One day, a man came to see Daddy at the house. They went into the parlor to talk. I was playing on the veranda, and heard them through the open windows. You've got to give a little," said the man. No," said Daddy, "I don't. It's my company, I founded it, and if these jokers don't like the pay they can quit.". I'm telling you," said the man, "This strike will ruin the business. You'll lose millions.". I don't care," said Daddy, "Nobody betrays me, crosses me and wins.".
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Bad Theology: Biff's Cousin is Murdered
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/11/biffs-cousin-is-murdered.html
Thursday, November 16, 2006. Biff's Cousin is Murdered. One day, I found out I had a cousin. I was riding on my train when George came running up, all out of breath. Biff, your Daddy got a telegram." George had to trot to keep up with the locomotive. "He wants to see you in the parlor.". George stopped. "You'd better hurry," he called out. I set the brake and turned the throttle down to idle. "George, would you mind taking the engine back to the machine shed? He nodded. "No problem," he said. Daddy, do t...
badtheology.blogspot.com
Bad Theology: Crystal Drags Me to Church
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/04/crystal-drags-me-to-church.html
Thursday, April 27, 2006. Crystal Drags Me to Church. One day, Crystal decided I needed to go to church. I told Crystal I did not, either, need to go to any stupid church. I already went once, and didn't like it. Crystal said if I didn't go to church and get baptized and stuff, that my immortal soul would burn forever in a lake of fire. She said I needed to be saved. Crystal go all red in the face. "We'll see about that," she said. She left. I went down to the billiard room to shoot some pool. Just prete...
badtheology.blogspot.com
Bad Theology: The Second Commandment Preached at Biff
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/05/second-commandment-preached-at-biff.html
Tuesday, May 09, 2006. The Second Commandment Preached at Biff. One day, preacher man talked about the second commandment. I guess I said amendment when I wrote about the first one. Wrong word, that. Preacher man told us these are God's orders to humans. He says we're not supposed to make a graven image of anything. I tried to figure out what that means. I thought from the way he talked, it meant like a picture; but there's a big picture of Jesus in the church, so that can't be right. Links to this post:.
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Bad Theology: I Meet a Poor Man
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/05/i-meet-poor-man.html
Thursday, May 04, 2006. I Meet a Poor Man. One day, I met a guy who slept in the park. Crystal decided to take me and Nanny Alice to the city. Crystal went shopping. Nanny and I went to the park. As we strolled along, I noticed a man sleeping on a park bench. Why is that man sleeping there? I asked Nanny Alice. Well," she said, "I suppose he has no place else to go.". Did Daddy take away his house? When we got real close to the bench, the man sat up. "Lady, can you spare some change? No," she said, "I'm ...
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Bad Theology: I Talk to Santa
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/05/i-talk-to-santa.html
Thursday, May 04, 2006. I Talk to Santa. One day, I spilled my guts to Santa. I knew Santa only cares about if you're bad or good, and if you're good, he gives you stuff. Santa can't make Crystal stop taking me to church. He can't fix the bad smell that comes out of Nanny Alice after dinner. And he can't do anything about that old windbag preacher man. He just rewards being good with stuff. But I felt so sad, and alone, I had to talk to somebody. It's worth a try. Posted by Biff at 10:06 PM.
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Bad Theology: Cult of Santaism Suffers Setback
http://badtheology.blogspot.com/2006/04/cult-of-santaism-suffers-setback.html
Tuesday, April 11, 2006. Cult of Santaism Suffers Setback. One day, Santa let me down. All I asked for was a train. You know, a small one to ride aound on. I could ride to the stables, the garden, up to the front gate, the shooting range, or anywhere. Okay, I guess I asked for more than just a train. I guess I got most everything else I wanted. My new gun was pretty neat. It could fire almost three rounds a second. Beat that, Jesus! Posted by Biff at 5:46 PM. Links to this post:. Red State City, Kansas.
