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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: Guns 'n' Roses -- "Welcome to the Jungle"

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Sunday, February 7, 2010. Guns 'n' Roses - "Welcome to the Jungle". Quick fun fact before we get started: The "Guns" part of Guns 'n' Roses comes from L.A. Guns lead singer Tracii Guns, who was the band's lead guitarist (briefly) before being replaced by Slash. I have no idea where the "Roses" part comes from, though. Probably they just thought it sounded good. Hey, remember L.A. Guns? So Rose is really Axl Rose's last name, although his full name is actually William Bruce Rose. Go back to civilization!

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: November 2009

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Monday, November 16, 2009. The Outfield - "Your Love". Holy crap. I was toying with the idea of mentioning that it seemed to me that a disproportionate number of baseball players use this song as their "at bat" music. (Hitters often pick a song to play on the PA system when they come up to the plate.) But, I decided not to, because I'd heard it maybe only like three times, and that's a pretty small sample size. But, lo and behold, Wikipedia actually mentions this on its page for this song! OK, here we go.

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: March 2010

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Tuesday, March 9, 2010. Scorpions - "Rock You Like a Hurricane". Hey guys, aren't hurricanes. It's early morning / The sun comes out / Last night was shaking / And pretty loud. Because a devastating hurricane struck your impoverished community, killing thousands and leaving only destruction and despair in its wake? What a sad yet hopeful song you have penned here, Klaus Meine. I hope this inspires a nation to help you rebuild and put these dark days behind you. Uhhh, wait, what? 1) Hungry for sex! This q...

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: December 2009

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Sunday, December 20, 2009. REO Speedwagon - "Can't Fight This Feeling". Oh YouTube, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Is, I believe, the original video for this song. It's kind of nice . straightforward shots of the band playing the song, bookended by a montage of Kevin Cronin trying to get the key right, and a part at the end where the entire band collapses into a giggling fit for no apparent reason and Cronin says "That warms the cockles of my cockles! 2 Here's the alternate version. I can't f...

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: Meat Loaf -- I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)

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Friday, January 15, 2010. Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That). Ahhh What have I gotten myself into? OK, I wasn't going to do a preamble for this one, because it is so long, so very long (that's what she said), but Wikipedia has so many juicy little tidbits to tantalize me. So here they are, bulleted:. This song reached number one in twenty-eight countries ,. Michael Bay directed the video. OK, good. Let's get down to it! I dunno, this sounds pretty good, but running right into hell...

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: October 2009

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Monday, October 19, 2009. Bon Jovi - "I'll Be There For You". Oh, hello. I didn't see you there. And it's a doozy! But first, Wikipedia told me the original name for the band Bon Jovi. Do you want to hear it? It's "Johny [sic] Electric.". I guess this time you're really leaving / I heard your suitcase say goodbye. I'm imagining an anthropomorphic suitcase here, kind of like something from Pee Wee's Playhouse, saying "Goodbye, Jon," in a really mopey voice. Tell you how to live your life. And stop writing...

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: Loverboy -- "Working for the Weekend"

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Monday, January 11, 2010. Loverboy - "Working for the Weekend". If the only funny part of this whole post is the picture below, then I think I've done my job. Why is the tip of the middle finger so red? It's like he tied a rubber band around it, or put a little tiny condom on it or something. Let's sincerely hope it's not the latter. Am I the only blogger who has a blog devoted to making fun of songs that are for the most part from the '80s who wasn't aware of this? Here's a full episode guide. In 2000, ...

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: July 2009

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Thursday, July 30, 2009. Tommy Tutone - "867-5309". Jenny, Jenny, who can I turn to / You give me something I can hold on to / I know you'll think I'm like the others before / Who saw your name and number on the wall. Jenny, I've got your number / I need to make you mine / Jenny don't change your number / 867-5309. Jenny, Jenny, you're the girl for me / You don't know me but you make me so happy. I tried to call you before / But I lost my nerve / I tried my imagination / But I was disturbed. Please, plea...

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: September 2009

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Friday, September 25, 2009. Bryan Adams - "Heaven". Firstly, Bryan Adams has a Web site. That is in my opinion quite well designed and well maintained. On this Web site are some photographs. Bryan Adams has taken of famous people. They are actually very good. Check them out. I like the Morrissey ones. Bryan Adams wrote some bad lyrics once. Here. Oh - thinking about all our younger years / There was only you and me / We were young and wild and free. Does Bryan Adams write like some seriously introspectiv...

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Awesomely Bad Lyrics: Duran Duran -- "Notorious"

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Saturday, February 13, 2010. Duran Duran - "Notorious". Is just a brilliant melange of nonsense and I love it. Notorious / Notorious/ No-no-notorious. I hope you're all bristling with anticipation. I can't read about it / Burns the skin from your eyes. Anyone see any skin in that diagram? No, me neither. Although, I suppose "burns the aqueous humor from your eyes" doesn't quite have the same ring to it. I'll do fine without it / Here's one you don't compromise. Not wild about it. Nobody says that. No...