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The Butterfly

Sunday, August 8, 2010. I believe in signs. Saturday morning I grabbed my Coke Zero, a granola bar and my purse and headed out the door. As I got to the door of my car, a small butterfly landed on my granola bar wrapper. Without thinking a second, I said "Good morning Brian." The butterfly then flew away. I shouted out, "Have a good day.". I take this as my sign that Brian was saying hello and checking in on me. Tuesday, July 27, 2010. Soulmates, movies, and checking out! Thursday, July 22, 2010. The gir...

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The Butterfly | madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com Reviews

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Sunday, August 8, 2010. I believe in signs. Saturday morning I grabbed my Coke Zero, a granola bar and my purse and headed out the door. As I got to the door of my car, a small butterfly landed on my granola bar wrapper. Without thinking a second, I said Good morning Brian. The butterfly then flew away. I shouted out, Have a good day.. I take this as my sign that Brian was saying hello and checking in on me. Tuesday, July 27, 2010. Soulmates, movies, and checking out! Thursday, July 22, 2010. The gir...

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6 a butterfly

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10 hibernation

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The Butterfly | madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com Reviews

https://madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com

Sunday, August 8, 2010. I believe in signs. Saturday morning I grabbed my Coke Zero, a granola bar and my purse and headed out the door. As I got to the door of my car, a small butterfly landed on my granola bar wrapper. Without thinking a second, I said "Good morning Brian." The butterfly then flew away. I shouted out, "Have a good day.". I take this as my sign that Brian was saying hello and checking in on me. Tuesday, July 27, 2010. Soulmates, movies, and checking out! Thursday, July 22, 2010. The gir...

INTERNAL PAGES

madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com

1

The Butterfly: Hibernation!

http://madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com/2010/02/hibernation.html

Saturday, February 6, 2010. Snowed in with no place else to go, but crazy. I've been in such a funk since last night. I miss him so much. I sat in the shower this morning remembering his face, hair, eyes, chest, hands, and. Yes, even the secrets I tell her. lol. That's how Brian and I were: best friends, husband and wife, and lovers. Rose, I will call you! I'm just trying to find the right time. February 7, 2010 at 7:41 AM. Make it that much harder to find the time to lay down, fall apart, just.give ...

2

The Butterfly: October 2009

http://madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com/2009_10_01_archive.html

Friday, October 16, 2009. Been on a Bumpy Ride. I still finish, right? Anyway, I have started seeing a grief counselor. She is awesome. I'm hoping to go back next week. She makes me feel normal. Whatever that is. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). We are a new family of 4 trying to get through this mess one day at a time. View my complete profile. Been on a Bumpy Ride. 5 Years Ago Today. Widow's Voice has a New Home. How to Plan Your 60th Birthday Celebration. Blooms Off The Rose. From Muffin Top to Six Pack Abs.

3

The Butterfly: July 2010

http://madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com/2010_07_01_archive.html

Tuesday, July 27, 2010. Soulmates, movies, and checking out! Funny how there are certain movies we can watch over and over. Some have meaning, some don't. Let's see what are some others? Top Gun, Good Will Hunting, The Bourne Trilogy, Overboard, I am Sam, The Breakfast Club, Monsters, Inc., P.S. I Love You, When Harry Met Sally. Just to name a few. Some for love, some for the look of the men, and some just because. Thursday, July 22, 2010. One foot in front of the other. Today was a great day! Guess I've...

4

The Butterfly: November 2009

http://madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com/2009_11_01_archive.html

Wednesday, November 4, 2009. Brian's mother has invited us to Thanksgiving dinner, along with my parents. I'm wondering if my mother would go, for me. My MIL invited my parents too. It would help me alot in making a decision of whose house to go to. I know they will always be in my life, but I would really like to be with my family. Can I have it all? These are the decisions I will have to make. Forever. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). We are a new family of 4 trying to get through this mess one day at a time.

5

The Butterfly: August 2009

http://madamsbutterfly.blogspot.com/2009_08_01_archive.html

Thursday, August 20, 2009. So remember when I said all I wanted to do was sleep? Will they remember eating popcorn, cereal or poptarts for breakfast. (Those are the current meals of each child.) I try to pull it together for them and do fun things during the day, but by nights end I am done. Or do I cancel the trip? Ok, enough whining. I'm going to fold my laundry and head off to bed. Here is to a happy weekend at the beach! Wednesday, August 19, 2009. At the end of my rope. Tuesday, August 18, 2009.

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beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: August 2009

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009_08_01_archive.html

Wednesday, August 26, 2009. A very special cyber friend suggested that I keep some of his favourite shirts and have a quilt made. I will be forever grateful to her because this is the end result of a labour of love. I contacted my local quilters guild looking for someone to do this for me, the lady that undertook the project wanted no money or reward, a lady I have never met in my life before, undertook this task as a labour of love. There are good people in the world. This is not what I ordered! I miss ...

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: October 2009

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009_10_01_archive.html

Thursday, October 22, 2009. Distractions don't always work. I can't believe it has been so long since i update my blog. So all in all it has been a busy time, with some major milestones survived, so why does it not feel better? A fellow widow (a lot further along in her journey) told me one that the second 6 months are harder than the first and the second year is harder than the first. At the time I wondered how anything could be harder than the first 6 months of living without Brian. Afgelopen zomer ate...

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: July 2009

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009_07_01_archive.html

Thursday, July 30, 2009. Learning to live in my skin alone. I am slowly trying to learn how to be "single", I am slowly trying to learn how to rebuild a life for myself. Since Brian died, I just do not feel like I belong here, I really have no sense of purpose or reason, I am really not sure why I would even want to learn how to do this alone. My new life. Like it or not, want it or not, I have no choice, THIS. I don't want to, I have to. On reflection, Brian had bought me more jewellery in the 6 months ...

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: And the tsunami rolls in

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009/09/and-tsunami-rolls-in.html

Thursday, September 10, 2009. And the tsunami rolls in. In the last few weeks I have achieved so much, I finished work, closed down the office, did my first trip away since Brian died and have generally been feeling like I am starting to function rather than just existing. So, I have been moving forward and re-building this new, unwanted life of mine. Here I am - this is me. There's no where else on earth I'd rather be. Here I am - it's just me and you. And tonight we make our dreams come true. And tonig...

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: September 2009

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009_09_01_archive.html

Tuesday, September 15, 2009. I have let the dogs out for last "call", made sure windows and doors were locked, lights were off etc. many times before, but last night, it just struck me that I am the grown up now. Widowhood has stolen my eternal childhood from me. Then I got to pondering about the ways that widowhood has changed me physically. 1 I weigh 15 kgs lighter. 2 My hair has fallen out. 3 My body aches all over, all the time. 5 I have constant dark rings under my eyes. This is not what I ordered.

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: On growing up

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009/09/on-growing-up.html

Tuesday, September 15, 2009. I have let the dogs out for last "call", made sure windows and doors were locked, lights were off etc. many times before, but last night, it just struck me that I am the grown up now. Widowhood has stolen my eternal childhood from me. Then I got to pondering about the ways that widowhood has changed me physically. 1 I weigh 15 kgs lighter. 2 My hair has fallen out. 3 My body aches all over, all the time. 5 I have constant dark rings under my eyes. This is not what I ordered.

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: The one year myth and other stories

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2011/08/one-year-myth-and-other-stories.html

Tuesday, August 2, 2011. The one year myth and other stories. Wow, it turns out I was no good at blogging. October 2009 my last update. I would like to say that it is because I got a life and because I was healing, but the reality is that I just did not have the energy or the will. My road has been long and complicated. I guess I survived my first Christmas and New Year, so hard, starting a new year without him. No Christmas tree or presents, I rolled into 2010 feeling so hopeless and helpless and sad.

beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com

Beanz on Toast: Missing

http://beanzontoast2009.blogspot.com/2009/08/missing.html

Saturday, August 1, 2009. But added to that I miss us,. I miss who I am with him, I miss the emotional intimacy that we had, I miss the half of me that made me smile when I didn't feel like it, I miss planning holidays that we would like, I miss having someone to make decisions with. I have never felt so alone in this world as I do now, even in a room full of people that care. I miss Brian, I miss us and I miss me. August 1, 2009 at 6:15 PM. Keep breathing, deep breaths. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom).

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The Butterfly

Sunday, August 8, 2010. I believe in signs. Saturday morning I grabbed my Coke Zero, a granola bar and my purse and headed out the door. As I got to the door of my car, a small butterfly landed on my granola bar wrapper. Without thinking a second, I said "Good morning Brian." The butterfly then flew away. I shouted out, "Have a good day.". I take this as my sign that Brian was saying hello and checking in on me. Tuesday, July 27, 2010. Soulmates, movies, and checking out! Thursday, July 22, 2010. The gir...

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