words-paint.blogspot.com
Words Paint: Second Guessing Myself
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2013/02/second-guessing-myself.html
Saturday, February 2, 2013. Decisions to be made. huge, life-changing decisions being made quickly. no sitting on the fence. Two helpful conversations with my OA support team (that's what I'm calling two members of my Overeaters Anonymous group) today. and now writing about it. Here are the topics:. What will it cost. Of being cared for . The situation is this. My husband and I have filed for divorce. I listed all the pros and cons of these two places in writing. They are very evenly balanced, the go...
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Words Paint: Exploring My Need to Win
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2013/07/exploring-my-need-to-win.html
Saturday, July 20, 2013. Exploring My Need to Win. In graduate school, I recall playing bridge and later duplicate bridge with the same drive to win, the same steady focus of my attention on the cards and reading subtle nuances of my opponents' facial expression. It was all about winning. I needed to win, and win I mostly did. We played that first time, and I won. Yay! Fun, I thought, this is quite fun. The next time, my luck was down and I didn't do so well. I heard myself. I should ask them. Why am I s...
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Words Paint: Hard to Pray When I Feel Unworthy
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2014/12/hard-to-pray-when-i-feel-unworthy.html
Wednesday, December 17, 2014. Hard to Pray When I Feel Unworthy. I have to begin by reminding myself that this blog is for me, for my recovery, and not to entertain, enlighten, or help anybody else who happens to stop by. I've been reading Terry. Why do I always believe that tomorrow will be better? Why do I always think if I eat it all, every crumb on hand, that the next day I can stop? For months I've been saying I will listen again to my CDs of the Big Book. Is it helping or hindering to keep reading ...
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Words Paint: Still Reeling
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2014/07/still-reeling.html
Saturday, July 26, 2014. Yep, I'm still in shock, still reeling about what I did, about the impossible-seeming act of eating an entire NY cheese cake in one sitting. I mean, how low can I go? Yet, there's a glimmer of hope growing in me, a faint sense that maybe it was a turning point. Since then I've been on plan, abstinent. Tomorrow is OA, a tool that definitely helps me stay on plan. Habitually referred to myself as "fat." I wouldn't say that to anybody else. Burdened myself with guilt and shame about...
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Words Paint: Heart Replies...
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2013/02/heart-replies.html
Tuesday, February 5, 2013. A dear friend, who knows what is going on with me, just sent an email asking, "So how is your heart feeling these days? Below is my immediate response. Heart is feeling empty. In the wrong season. Heart is feeling lost. Can’t find her home. Can’t recall the path. Looking for a home. Heart is feeling tired. Weary of pros and cons. In a thick fog. Heart is feeling closed. Instead of the truth. Carol- Beads and Birds. February 6, 2013 at 3:09 AM. February 6, 2013 at 5:23 AM. Im go...
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Words Paint: Over the Hump
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2013/05/over-hump.html
Monday, May 13, 2013. It came to me in the wee hours of the morning, after writing the previous post about love and divorce, that we are getting unmarried. I like that word, unmarried. Much more than divorce. There are no nasty connotations attached to it; plus it's simple, with no strings attached. This evening, I am officially declaring myself to be over the hump - mostly moved, mostly unpacked, mostly settled in my new home, mostly out of my wasband's home, mostly satisfied with the way things are goi...
words-paint.blogspot.com
Words Paint: The Word "Love"
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2013/05/the-word-love.html
Friday, May 10, 2013. In the morning at 10:30, I will stand before a judge, who will determine if we will be divorced. If he/she agrees to our plan for dissolution, we will be officially divorced on Monday. So where is love? Did we love each other? Do we love each other now? Carol- Beads and Birds. May 10, 2013 at 2:56 AM. Love is a strange emotion. Personally, I think it would be difficult to marry late in life, each person set in their ways. But heres one for you. We have friends that have been tog...
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Words Paint: New Home on the Mainland
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2013/02/new-home-on-mainland.html
Monday, February 11, 2013. New Home on the Mainland. Beach - place of harmony and calm where I live now, on the island - I found a heart rock, placed it on a beautiful log, and left it there when I departed - possibly foreshadowing what will follow. Then the phone rang. The mainland agent called to say she had phone confirmation that the seller accepted my offer. In an instant my future path shifted a one-plus-hour ferry ride to the east. Twenty minutes later, I was signing papers to terminat...Confused ...
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Words Paint: Island or Mainland?
http://words-paint.blogspot.com/2013/02/island-or-mainland.html
Sunday, February 10, 2013. So many things are out of my control right now. I have two active offers on two different homes, which is the most crazy-making thing I've done in a long time. juggling the expiration dates, getting an extension on one, while I wait to see what happens with the other, the other dragging on, possibly beyond the expiration date. I could end up with neither home. How long will it take? He and I are so comfortable going out to dinner together, to the bank, the dump, the movie theat...