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The Millbank Daily-Weekly is the official recorder of the news and events shaping the greater Millbank area. Coverage of sports, entertainment, local news, crime and events. Reporting covers both the good side and bad side of town.

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Our Top Story | millbankusa.com Reviews

https://millbankusa.com

The Millbank Daily-Weekly is the official recorder of the news and events shaping the greater Millbank area. Coverage of sports, entertainment, local news, crime and events. Reporting covers both the good side and bad side of town.

INTERNAL PAGES

millbankusa.com millbankusa.com
1

Pickleball League Teams with Police to Fight Hooligans

http://www.millbankusa.com/index.php/local-news/661-pickleball-league-teams-with-police-to-fight-hooligans

Pickleball League Teams with Police to Fight Hooligans. Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly. Friday, 17 July 2015 21:42. Faced with increasing reports of hooliganism and a beleaguered staff, the Millbank Police have turned to the city’s Pickleball Expert League for help. Staff reached out to a local teenager who owns a skateboard and says he speaks for all local hooligans. Old people blow chunks, said the teen who asked not to be identified. Pickleball blows chunks, and that one ancient dude, Pickle...He’s ...

2

Summer Reading Program Unleashes Competitive Spirit

http://www.millbankusa.com/index.php/local-news/657-reading-royalty

Summer Reading Program Unleashes Competitive Spirit. Written by Helen Hamilton. Saturday, 13 June 2015 07:16. MILLBANK Last Monday, the Millbank Public Library began its Summer Reading Program with the catch phrase Be Reading Royalty! No teen boy is going to disrespect his elders after reading a ‘Tale of Two Cities’. The guidelines of the summer reading program are straightforward. Members of the public library sign up and pledge to read a certain number of words between June 8 and September 1. A...Roe s...

3

On the Lighter Side

http://www.millbankusa.com/index.php/arts-and-entertainment/54-human-interest

On the Lighter Side. Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly. Tuesday, 07 February 2012 20:41. Lil' Laffs - Valentine's Day Edition. My older brother and his girlfriend make smoochy noises all the time. I wish they would get eaten by zombies. Jason Szwecja, 6. If a boy likes you, he brings you cool stuff like flowers and underwear. Fawn Fletcher, 8. I can tell when a girl likes me because then she tries to steal my lunch. Will Highsmith, 6. Love is a dirty, dirty lie. That’s what my dad says. Amanda Dale, 7.

4

Margaret Cobblepease's Home Front

http://www.millbankusa.com/index.php/arts-and-entertainment/56-home-ec

Margaret Cobblepease's Home Front. Written by Millbank Daily-Weekly. Saturday, 11 February 2012 20:11. In my book, there’s no better way to spend a chilly afternoon than cleaning out one’s closets. I know that when I open that closet door and see all my shoes or knick-knacks or towels or what have you lined up smiling in a row, it almost makes it feel like springtime in my heart. Now, you can buy lots of fancy organizers for your closets; they have them for shoes, for jewelry. They have bins of every size.

5

Two Injured in Holiday Patio Mishap

http://www.millbankusa.com/index.php/local-news/659-the-sky-is-falling

Two Injured in Holiday Patio Mishap. Written by Helen Hamilton. Friday, 03 July 2015 21:14. MILLBANK Fireworks are not the only thing making a big bang in Millbank over the Independence Day weekend. On Friday night, patrons of Adolf’s Irish Pub gathered to celebrate and indulge in holiday drink specials, only to have the patio roof topple upon them. Lorne Pfeffernus, regular customer, and Adolf Mc’O’Patrick, owner/ manager, suffered slight lacerations to their scalps but are otherwise fine. The injuries ...

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Golan Globus

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/ourkids/61-golan-globus

Written by Steve Troubador. 2016 I'm Not Laughing. A Division of Randy Shandis Worldwide.

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Mayor McCheese

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/ourkids/64-mayor-mccheese

Written by Steve Troubador. We're stuck with Ronald McDonald. He's got a charity named after himself, and he still makes appearance. Occasionally, some hipster will reference the Hamburglar, and some basement dweller will reminisce about Grimace, or even the Fry Guys. But Mayor McCheese, the most powerful man in McDonaldland, will be forgotten along with The Man, Officer Big Mac. Our kids will never know him. 2016 I'm Not Laughing. A Division of Randy Shandis Worldwide.

imnotlaughing.com imnotlaughing.com

Trendy Crap

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/trends

McGruff - The Crime Dog. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Written by Steve Troubador. Written by Steve Troubador. Your SnorgTee is fucking annoying. Part of the reason is that it's not funny, but most of the reason is because we know you think it is and you want us to notice. The main problem with the T-shirts is they aren't original or clever. They repeat something that was funny before, or at least amusing to someone once. But by the time the bit shows up on a T-shirt, it's way, way past the expiratio...Purch...

imnotlaughing.com imnotlaughing.com

Radio

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McGruff - The Crime Dog. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Written by Steve Troubador. Imagine the worst dinner party guests ever. Now imagine they didn't take a dump in the mashed potatoes. You're left with the cast from the radio quiz show. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Which proves that shitty adult-oriented easy-listening is a global plague. The quiz aspect of. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Is really just a platform for the host and the Z-...

imnotlaughing.com imnotlaughing.com

Television

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/television

McGruff - The Crime Dog. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Our Kids Won't Know. McGruff - The Crime Dog. Crime hasn't shot through the roof yet. That's because the people who are of crime-committing age still remember the specter of McGruff, the Crime Dog. Rob a bank, that bloodhound would find you. Vandalize an old lady's house and he would be there with the incompetent local police who could never solve the case without him. But what about the next generation? 2016 I'm Not Laughing.

imnotlaughing.com imnotlaughing.com

People

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/people

McGruff - The Crime Dog. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Written by Steve Troubador. I'm so fucking sick of celebrities who proudly claim they were dorks in high school, as though it's a badge of honor. What they're really telling us with a wink is, "But now I'm really cool." None of them say what a true dork would say: " Do you want to watch me pop the pimples on my back? Or "You want to read my. Speak Your Mind Here. The Frequent Mourner Club. Written by Steve Troubador. In all the years you've known these p...

imnotlaughing.com imnotlaughing.com

Movies

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/movies

McGruff - The Crime Dog. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Written by Steve Troubador. Stoners think stoner comedies are hilarious when they are stoned. You know what else is hilarious when you're stoned? Stuff that actually is funny. Smoking pot doesn't mean you have to lower your standards. Getting stoned doesn't mean you should reward incompetent hacks, lazy moviemakers and talentless actors. But Cheech and Chong do suck. Hard. So do Half Baked. And Harold and Kumar. Because the studios know their audience an...

imnotlaughing.com imnotlaughing.com

Dorks Unite

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/people/62-dorks-unite

McGruff - The Crime Dog. Wait Wait. Don't Tell Me! Written by Steve Troubador. I'm so fucking sick of celebrities who proudly claim they were dorks in high school, as though it's a badge of honor. What they're really telling us with a wink is, "But now I'm really cool." None of them say what a true dork would say: " Do you want to watch me pop the pimples on my back? Or "You want to read my. Speak Your Mind Here. Our Kids Won't Know. McGruff - The Crime Dog. Never hear about the nation's top crime detect...

imnotlaughing.com imnotlaughing.com

Who's Not Laughing?

http://www.imnotlaughing.com/index.php/about

Written by Steve Troubador. Welcome to my basement. Take a seat over there in that lawn chair. Don't mind the piles of laundry; I'll get to those soon enough. My name is Steve Troubador and I'm pissed. I like running off at the mouth and I didn't make you come down here to listen to you talk. So just shut up and enjoy the ambience. If you have something to say, get your own damn basement. Our Kids Won't Know. McGruff - The Crime Dog. These kids today innocently growing up with their Pokemon.

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Welcome to Millbank Trading Company

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Our Top Story

Millbank Daily-Weekly Seeks Additional Revenue Streams. Written by Helen Hamilton. MILLBANK Residents of Davenport Street may have noticed an extra amount of drama (. For all your drama, comedy and especially dramady needs, visit the Celebrity Playho! Last Friday, thanks to an altercation between a local car and a picket fence. No deaths were reported (. Shady Grove Mortuary We actually bury or cremate the remains. But the driver, Ms. Peggy Lawnbob, suffered some minor cuts and abrasions (. Ms Lawnbob wa...

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