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Mr. Ass « Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. Happy Birthday, Wife. A few weeks later, I got the phone call. The gerbil gift might have been a bad idea. Frodo had eaten Bilbo’s tail. Two weeks later, there was another phone call. Bilbo had retaliated for his missing tail by opening a huge can of rodent whoop ass on his cage mate. Frodo was dead. Wolf Blitzer and the Airport Riot. The Best Blueberry Donuts in Craigshead County. Waiting for Comic Con. It was the …Read the Rest. In the Natural State.

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Mr. Ass « Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King | misterass.com Reviews

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Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. Happy Birthday, Wife. A few weeks later, I got the phone call. The gerbil gift might have been a bad idea. Frodo had eaten Bilbo’s tail. Two weeks later, there was another phone call. Bilbo had retaliated for his missing tail by opening a huge can of rodent whoop ass on his cage mate. Frodo was dead. Wolf Blitzer and the Airport Riot. The Best Blueberry Donuts in Craigshead County. Waiting for Comic Con. It was the …Read the Rest. In the Natural State.

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Mr. Ass « Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King | misterass.com Reviews

https://misterass.com

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. Happy Birthday, Wife. A few weeks later, I got the phone call. The gerbil gift might have been a bad idea. Frodo had eaten Bilbo’s tail. Two weeks later, there was another phone call. Bilbo had retaliated for his missing tail by opening a huge can of rodent whoop ass on his cage mate. Frodo was dead. Wolf Blitzer and the Airport Riot. The Best Blueberry Donuts in Craigshead County. Waiting for Comic Con. It was the …Read the Rest. In the Natural State.

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misterass.com

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Waiting for Comic Con - Mr. Ass

http://www.misterass.com/2013/07/23/waiting-for-comic-con

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. Waiting for Comic Con. July 23, 2013. Obviously, I didn’t plan it this way. The Nordic Warrior Queen and I were visiting my daughter in San Diego when I saw the TV commercial: Comic Con, at the San Diego Convention Center, starting Wednesday. It was the chance of a lifetime. I was going to Comic Con! But what to wear? But first, I needed a cape. I wasn’t sure she’d know what I meant. What about a sword? 500 deposit. It’s dull. I tried to get the Nord...

2

In the Natural State - Mr. Ass

http://www.misterass.com/2013/07/16/in-the-natural-state

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. In the Natural State. July 16, 2013. My boss called me last weekend. I need you in Arkansas, ayy-sap. No please or thank you here. Just ayy-sap. Sure, what’s up? What else can you say when your boss calls on a Saturday morning? Customer’s in trouble. Just go. She hung up the phone. The email with travel instructions arrived seconds later. No effing way. I immediately called her back. I thought we agreed no weekends. That’s how she rolls. Bill immedia...

3

Mr. Ass « 4/40 « Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King

http://www.misterass.com/page/4

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. The Mimi’s Cafe Muffin Affair. Sour Patch Kids and Broken Teeth. Drinking Beer in Utah. Seashell Mice and Extended Warranties. I told the Nordic Warrior Queen I had to leave early. I was headed to Salt Lake City, to work with those cheerless Mormons and the people who make fun of them, and I needed a new mouse. She was skeptical. Didn’t you buy a new mouse last week? The Unfairness of Sam Champion. She had Mother Mary tattooed on her left bicep. ...

4

Mr. Ass « 2/40 « Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King

http://www.misterass.com/page/2

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. That’s Not You. Some women are afraid their man thinks about others. That he’ll break his promise and leave someday. They wonder, does he even want to be with me? The Dodge Caravan Affair. Twenty-Eight Years Ago Today. Baking Biscuits with Paula Deen. Peeing at the Circle K. Marge and the Breakfast Buffet. In all fairness, I was a little cranky. Hotels do that to me. Being away from home, working with difficult clients, a strange bed, and a c...After...

5

Dancing with the Stars - Mr. Ass

http://www.misterass.com/2013/04/15/dancing-with-the-stars

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. Dancing with the Stars. April 15, 2013. Ever since the Nordic Warrior Queen and I started dance lessons, a terrible feeling has come over me. Don’t get me wrong. I thoroughly enjoy doing the two-step with my wife. But I’ve begun to have thoughts no man should have to admit. I can’t stop watching Dancing with the Stars. Poor Dorothy Hamill. Brave Zendaya. The titanic efforts of Wynonna Judd. I’m not proud of my obsession. He had to admit, the dancers ...

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Sheriff Andy Taylor and my Wife's Best Friend - A Few Years in the ValleyA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/2013/03/23/sheriff-andy-taylor-and-my-wifes-best-friend

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. Sheriff Andy Taylor and my Wife’s Best Friend. March 23, 2013. Yesterday my wife caught me with a picture of her best friend Liz. It was the one of her at the Christmas party, wearing the skimpy red dress and the reindeer antlers. It’s my favorite photo. Jesus, Jen. Ever heard of knocking? She doesn’t buy it. Bastard, she says, and runs for the car keys. Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Your email address will ...

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McGee and the Garden Hose - A Few Years in the ValleyA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/2013/02/06/mcgee-and-the-garden-hose

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. McGee and the Garden Hose. February 6, 2013. On the day James McGee decided to end his life, his wife had called him an asshole. You’ll never be happy, Jimmy, said Helen. They sat at opposite ends of the kitchen table, middle-aged opponents squared off on a suburban battlefield. McGee planned to endure today’s skirmish as he had countless others, through a tactic of silent indifference. Places to Find Me.

afewyearsinthevalley.com

Build a Teepee, Come Inside - A Few Years in the ValleyA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/2013/03/23/build-a-teepee-come-inside

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. Build a Teepee, Come Inside. March 23, 2013. Read the rest: http:/ www.fiction365.com/2013/01/build-a-teepee-come-inside/. Leave a Reply Cancel reply. Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. Laquo; Sheriff Andy Taylor and my Wife’s Best Friend. Places to Find Me. A Twist of Noir.

afewyearsinthevalley.com

Finals Week - A Few Years in the ValleyA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/2013/03/04/finals-week

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. March 4, 2013. Darius Fletcher woke from a dream of Elvis Presley in a leotard. Don’t be cruel, sang the. King of Rock and Roll. Lisa’s ringtone. The blue glow of the cable box said 3:55 AM. Why. Fletcher gently slid his arm from beneath the mass of blonde hair lying next to. Him Mary Beth was a light sleeper. He picked up his cell phone and padded out to the. Good morning, sleepy head. Did I wake you?

afewyearsinthevalley.com

A Few Years in the Valley - Page 2 of 4 - Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip HansonA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/page/2

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. November 1, 2012. That’s why Billy was at the pool. Of course every kid in New Highland was there that day, except for the losers like Keith Mackenbrook, sentenced to summer school for failing math and art. Who flunks art class? Or Scooter Jones and the rest of the football jocks busy tackling colorful burlap dummies, and running sweaty laps round the dirt patch the town called an athletic field. Read the ...

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After the Movie | Penduline Press

http://www.pendulinepress.com/author-article-archives/after-the-movie

It was the stupid commercial that finally pushed her over the edge. The hot office broad, up on her desk like a pole dancer, and those goofy executive types leering at her. Be more attractive to your employers. It said, and I laughed. Rachel jumped up off the couch and took a few jerky steps toward the kitchen. I thought at first she was going for more snacks. Then she turned on me, hair flying around her head in a pale yellow storm. You goddamned men. You’re all the same. Was she broken for good? We had...

afewyearsinthevalley.com

Love, Barbeque, and Food Safety - A Few Years in the ValleyA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/2013/03/01/love-barbeque-and-food-safety

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. Love, Barbeque, and Food Safety. March 1, 2013. It was like Ground Zero at the Trinity nuclear test site. My neighbor Jim laughed so hard he fell off the picnic table. What a jerk. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind cooking for her. But I’d rather do it indoors, where it’s safe. Grilling is dangerous. Charcoal briquettes are chock full of toxic chemicals. Those long-handled cooking implem...You could put an ...

afewyearsinthevalley.com

After the Movie - A Few Years in the ValleyA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/2013/03/23/after-the-movie

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. March 23, 2013. It was the stupid commercial that finally pushed her over the edge. The hot office broad, up on her desk like a pole dancer, and those goofy executive types leering at her. Be more attractive to your employers. It said, and I laughed. You goddamned men. You’re all the same. I didn’t stand a chance. Rachit was just a commercial. What’s the big deal? Is this another one of your rape things?

afewyearsinthevalley.com

A Few Years in the Valley - Page 3 of 4 - Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip HansonA Few Years in the Valley

http://afewyearsinthevalley.com/page/3

A Few Years in the Valley. Published short stories, flash fiction, and poetry by writer Kip Hanson. December 25, 2010. We were way behind schedule. Dancer and Prancer had started my morning off by breaking into the stores of magic corn, and had been laying down some serious reindeer games all day long; poor Rudolph was near tears. And of course, I’d told the team to go easy with the carbs on Christmas Eve, but did they listen? September 20, 2010. I would become a hairdresser. August 14, 2010. In response...

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Mr. Ass « Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King

Chronicling the life of an exiled Nordic Warrior King. Happy Birthday, Wife. A few weeks later, I got the phone call. The gerbil gift might have been a bad idea. Frodo had eaten Bilbo’s tail. Two weeks later, there was another phone call. Bilbo had retaliated for his missing tail by opening a huge can of rodent whoop ass on his cage mate. Frodo was dead. Wolf Blitzer and the Airport Riot. The Best Blueberry Donuts in Craigshead County. Waiting for Comic Con. It was the …Read the Rest. In the Natural State.

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