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Goodbye Misery?: February 2006
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Monday, February 27, 2006. Woke up in a storming bad mood this morning. It soon sorted itself. And I've been in quite a good mood the rest of the day. Got some painting done. Today in the SIXTH day with NO exercise. I plan to run tomorrow morning and see what happens. The foot does seem better today but still very sore. Posted by RaggyMaggy at 9:27 PM. Sunday, February 26, 2006. Well, I'm in a bad mood. And I absolutely LOVE this picture! You Are 62% Evil. How Evil Are You? 5 days too many. I was steamin...
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Goodbye Misery?: October 2005
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Monday, October 31, 2005. Do me a favour and shoot me. I can't be bothered anymore. I'm sick of every little corner of life. Yes I know, I'm an ungrateful bitch and don't even deserve to live. I can't stand feeling like this, I just can't stand it. I want to tear pieces off myself with a knife I hate myself so much. Work was OK though, but long. I'm tired. I'm tired of myself and existing. I need to sleep. I need a break, a rest. But I never get one. This is hopeless. I am hopeless. Can I do it? Another ...
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Goodbye Misery?: April 2006
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Sunday, April 30, 2006. I've just had my last ever cigarette. It was horrible. Smoking hurts my throat, gives me no pleasure and makes me feel out of breath just coming up the stairs. Posted by RaggyMaggy at 10:15 PM. How do I feel? Scared I'm still ill, getting more ill, never going to be happy. I have no reason to feel miserable all the time. I know that's how depression works, but still, it scares the shit out of me that I have no control over this. I haven't a clue. Posted by RaggyMaggy at 7:01 PM.
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Goodbye Misery?: December 2005
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Saturday, December 31, 2005. Oh and I have smoked a little today. I've just started drinking. I stopped drinking all year. It became a bit of a problem last year and then it made me ill on my tablets which I'm not taking now. I hate drink. But then I hate myself, so we go well together! Posted by RaggyMaggy at 5:52 PM. The day has been bearable. I confronted mum when she again tried to blame me for what I know isn't my fault. 2 years of torture and now I'm strong enough to not put up with it anym...I cou...
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Goodbye Misery?: January 2006
http://ragsmags.blogspot.com/2006_01_01_archive.html
Monday, January 30, 2006. Last day of the shift today. Mood has been OK. Have a cold and feel like shit. Just want to sleep. Posted by RaggyMaggy at 5:07 AM. Friday, January 27, 2006. Back to work today. My second 4 day shift - the first was back in November when I felt much better. I've managed to somehow get out of it each week, because I couldn't cope, but had to hide it. I've just got to hold myself together for 4 days. It can't be that hard. Can it? Posted by RaggyMaggy at 5:14 AM. I'm A Sunk Ship.
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Goodbye Misery?: November 2005
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005. So am I getting better, as in "more well", or am I just getting better at kidding myself that I'm getting better? Today I don't know. It's been the most down day I've had for a while. No point etc. I can't help but wonder if I'm just acting out this pretend life I seem to be building. Everything is so different now. My life has completely changed. I pretend to be happy, but am I getting there or am I just covering up even more? I suppose only time will tell. Will I let them?
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Goodbye Misery?: March 2006
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Friday, March 31, 2006. I want control back! Things are going to change. I am going to start working at taking back the control I have slowly lost since my injury in January 2004. I am no longer going to focus on, or take notice of my ever-decreasing depression. Instead I’m going to focus on these 5 things:. 1) Weight of course! 4) Reading yes, I have so many books I want to read. So I am going to make every attempt to spend at least 15 minutes a day reading I have a low attention span! 5) Martial arts I...
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Goodbye Misery?: May 2006
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Friday, May 19, 2006. Finally saw the physio yesterday after my fall nearly 2 weeks ago. The joint between the 2 bones just under my knee has been losened a great deal, when I hit my knee hard on the ground. This is causing my nerve to trap everytime i move my leg. My nerve is inflammed and my leg hurts - a lot. My 2 bones are now strapped together and I have my first Marathon tomorrow. Posted by RaggyMaggy at 6:36 AM. Thursday, May 11, 2006. I can't go on. I'm frightened. I really do keep losing it&...