lumpybadger.blogspot.com
Lumpy Badger: Lumpyisms
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2013/08/lumpyisms.html
Thursday, 8 August 2013. DISCLAIMER: I realize how deeply irritating and unamusing those 'ohmahgawd, my kid said the funniest thing today, let me tell you all about it again and again so you can pretend to laugh while actually wanting to tear your own ears off and eat them' things are. I know, believe me. So all I can say for these is, sorry. I am that parent wanker.]. Lumpy follows me into the loo: "I have to come too," he says, matter of factly. "Because I'm the wee wee supervisor.". I should add that,...
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Lumpy Badger: September 2011
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2011_09_01_archive.html
Monday, 19 September 2011. Contrary to appearances I did not perish on my foolhardy attempt to swim around the whole of Croatia. True, there was a sticky moment when I was arrested doing butterfly on the main road through Split, but then that's by far my weakest stroke, so it was always going to cause problems. In fact, I had a rather brilliant time. I was accompanied on the trip by the marvellous Cake of Good Hope. And how did I cope with being away from the Lumpster? Will it be squishy or firm? It's ve...
lumpybadger.blogspot.com
Lumpy Badger: August 2013
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2013_08_01_archive.html
Thursday, 8 August 2013. DISCLAIMER: I realize how deeply irritating and unamusing those 'ohmahgawd, my kid said the funniest thing today, let me tell you all about it again and again so you can pretend to laugh while actually wanting to tear your own ears off and eat them' things are. I know, believe me. So all I can say for these is, sorry. I am that parent wanker.]. Lumpy follows me into the loo: "I have to come too," he says, matter of factly. "Because I'm the wee wee supervisor.". Cake of Good Hope.
lumpybadger.blogspot.com
Lumpy Badger: June 2011
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2011_06_01_archive.html
Wednesday, 15 June 2011. You don't know what you've got till it's gone. And what, I hear you cry, of Lumpy? Enough about your scabs and excesses of arse, woman! We come here to hear about the baby, dagammit! Do you regularly say 'dagammit', dear readers? I like to think you do.). Oh, you want more, do you? Well, I'm a working woman now, you know. I only get a chance to take him out of his drawer once or twice a day. Just for an airing. Actually, that last bit makes me rather pleased to be back at work.
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Lumpy Badger: May 2013
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Thursday, 30 May 2013. So, I managed to tell you all about the day Flumpy fell out. Up until the actual moment of falling out, at least. And then the story abruptly stopped. But you know what? Stuff happened after that. The world did not cease to exist at that momentous instant (though it sometimes feels a bit like it did). So I might just burble on a bit about what happened just after Flumpy was born, if that's ok with you? Right, where did we leave me? Then we all waited for my placenta to plop out....
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Lumpy Badger: July 2011
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2011_07_01_archive.html
Monday, 25 July 2011. A plague on both your houses. And, lo, they did mightily displease the great Baby God, and brought down His wrath upon them. And the Baby God did smite them heartily, bringing down plague upon plague upon plague upon their filthy unworthy heads. And there was much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth. And the Baby God did laugh to see it, and sent down another plague. THE END. And then one day at work I had a phone call. Don't worry - he wasn't dead. He'd just done a big sq...
lumpybadger.blogspot.com
Lumpy Badger: Foreign countries
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2013/10/foreign-countries.html
Monday, 7 October 2013. So I haven't been around here much lately. I haven't been around anywhere much lately, to be honest. Let's not mince about - it's been pretty grim. Hellish, at times, even. At least if hell is a frantically teething baby who refuses to sleep, then erupts into inconsolable wailing if he gets too tired. Because why didn't you make me sleep earlier, woman? Now I can't even breathe because of you. I haaaaaaattttteee yooooou. Etc etc. Repeat. And die. That's America, not him, by the wa...
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Lumpy Badger: April 2013
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2013_04_01_archive.html
Monday, 29 April 2013. Something of an early arrival. I had great plans for some pregnancy posts. There were lots of things I wanted to write about in these last couple of weeks of pregnancy: worries about whether this was all a terrible idea (and what the hell we were going to do about it if it was); was this interloper going to ruin Lumpy's life; how on earth we were going to cope with two (two! Allow me a moment for a ironic laugh. A ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaah. I think my waters just broke," I said....
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Lumpy Badger: May 2011
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2011_05_01_archive.html
Thursday, 19 May 2011. Today at lunch I burped so loudly and disgustingly that it made Lumpy cry. I am so very, very proud of myself. As a mother, and as a person. Wednesday, 11 May 2011. I need your help, dear readers. On a question of etiquette, no less. And this is where it all gets a bit stalky. But then I thought. Now I know where her house is. We're virtually neighbours (sort of. ish. Run with me here). Our babies seemed to really, really like each other. I honestly have no idea on this one. Lu...
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Lumpy Badger: February 2011
http://lumpybadger.blogspot.com/2011_02_01_archive.html
Saturday, 26 February 2011. I furminated the cat the other day. Because that's the sort of decadent, crazy-fun thing we get up to around here. Jealous? The cat was quite hairy. And by 'quite' I mean, oh-my-god-that's-disgusting, type hairy. It was, not to mince words, a shedding filth machine. By the way, the creature lurking to the left of the picture is not the cat. In case you were worried.). Then Lumpy got in on the action, grabbed a handful, and shoved it straight in his mouth. A tale of two weanings.
