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The World as my Muse: February 2012

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Tuesday, February 28, 2012. In the eye of the storm, I realized things unknown to me. I saw things that I did not notice in motion. I was a part of it. Not until I was silent and still did I discover the movement of all things around me. In the present moment, Natalia Ginzburg is my muse and her writing currently fuels my writing. Wednesday, February 15, 2012. Perhaps Men Aren't Necessary. Do I necessarily need to attain these things from a man or various men? Monday, February 13, 2012. No one reads "me"...

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The World as my Muse: I'm Tired of Going to Straight Bars

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Saturday, March 24, 2012. I'm Tired of Going to Straight Bars. Fuck no, I'm not going to the gay bar by myself, especially in a foreign country whose main language I can barely speak. Who knows what can happen to me? I'm sick of being the wing man for my friends, yet the majority of them are unwilling to do the same for me. For example, I went dancing with a friend of mine. She thought this guy dancing near us was really cute, but she refused to initiate a conversation with him. What did I do? Actually, ...

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The World as my Muse: May 2012

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Saturday, May 5, 2012. I Hate Being Asian. What would my parents think? Yes, they fed me, clothed me, and gave me a home. But what was it for? Was it so they could ask me to repay such a debt someday? Or was it to share an unconditional love with another human being and to nurture such life until it can be its own autonomous being? That's the thing, it seems to be a conditional love based on repayment. It's ensured that I don't forget it. I'm a bad person. I know. Thursday, May 3, 2012. I've returned fro...

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The World as my Muse: End of the Year Banquet

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Thursday, April 19, 2012. End of the Year Banquet. Tonight was my study abroad program's end of the year banquet. The food was decent. The venue was awesome. I took some great photo with friends and had a few good laughs. Of course, like any other end-of-the-year, sentimental school function they had superlatives. Was it all just out of jest? It doesn't seem so. Knowing my history with people, bullies, and people's bullshit I know there was malicious intent behind it. I'm just ready to go home.

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The World as my Muse: Waiting for Life to Begin

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Sunday, March 18, 2012. Waiting for Life to Begin. When will I fully realize my presence in Rome, in Italy, in Europe? I only have about six weeks left and I still feel detached from this city. Most of all, I miss my friends back home. I see all their pictures online. All of them hanging out together and looking so happy. I sometimes wonder to myself, "Do they remember me? March 18, 2012 at 11:04 PM. I think not having connection to good porn will probably piss a lot of people of. :p. Hahaha. Not at ...

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The World as my Muse: I Don't Want to be a Masochist Anymore

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Wednesday, April 25, 2012. I Don't Want to be a Masochist Anymore. Today, I finished a novel called Call Me by Your Name. By Andre Aciman. It made me realize something. I no longer wish to be a masochist. When did I become a masochist? I don't know. Perhaps when I first fell in love and got hurt. After that, I probably started to believe that by being hurt I would be loved. I assumed that the. I convinced myself that I was weak. I told myself countless times that I am worthless, unwanted, and hopeles...

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The World as my Muse: August 2011

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Tuesday, August 30, 2011. Reality recently hit me. I'm basically an adult now. It didn't hit me until I went to my first day of school yesterday. For the previous two years, I've been living on campus and just coming back home for the summer. Now that I'm commuting from home, everything seems so different. more real. Place No more will there be three month summer vacations. Instead, there will be the two weeks per year sort of vacations. Sunday, August 28, 2011. And to think that I did all this with a gi...

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The World as my Muse: I Hate Being Asian

http://coffee-stained.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-hate-being-asian.html

Saturday, May 5, 2012. I Hate Being Asian. What would my parents think? Yes, they fed me, clothed me, and gave me a home. But what was it for? Was it so they could ask me to repay such a debt someday? Or was it to share an unconditional love with another human being and to nurture such life until it can be its own autonomous being? That's the thing, it seems to be a conditional love based on repayment. It's ensured that I don't forget it. I'm a bad person. I know. May 6, 2012 at 6:51 PM. You identify it ...

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The World as my Muse: May 2011

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Monday, May 23, 2011. I'm Used to Rejection. I went to a movie with a guy last night. We were planning on going on a date this upcoming Friday, but he said he couldn't wait to see me. So we decided to go see a movie around 8pm since I got off work at exactly 8pm. Do you go to school? What do you do for work? Any plans for the summer? Blah Blah. Blah. Sure, I wasn't turned on by his sexual attempts, but should that be held against me? Was he holding it against me? I'm just not the type that's interested i...

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The World as my Muse: June 2011

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Thursday, June 9, 2011. The problem is that I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do to get things started. I want to have a plan, but I don't even know how to develop a plan that would be challenging, but not discouraging. I'm also afraid of looking stupid because honestly, 85% of the challenge for me is the self-doubt I have in succeeding. Tuesday, June 7, 2011. Where have I gone? I don't really know. Why did I stop writing? Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). View my complete profile.