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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/04/everywhere.html
Saturday, April 29, 2006. He reacts big - at camp when he felt angry or hurt he would lash out and punch. While I never condoned hitting and anger management was something I planned to work on with him, I respected this quality of his. He didn't know how to hem and haw and second-guess himself. He trusted his instincts and acted. He was silly and goofy and could find something funny in every situation. He's everywhere and I miss him so much it hurts. Written at 9:12 AM by Maggie. This post is beautiful&#...
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/04/what-difference-year-makes.html
Monday, April 24, 2006. What a Difference a Year Makes. One year ago today my relationship with Mr. Inertia ended. We had started dating in early 2004. I'd known him my whole life, but hadn't seen him in about 10 years. Then, one day in the waiting room of the Intensive Care Unit we ran into each other. I thought it was a funny way to meet at the time. now I think it was an omen. Because that's what our relationship needed - intensive care. 10) He liked kiddie cartoons. 1) He didn't get Napolean Dynamite.
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2005_12_01_archive.html
Saturday, December 31, 2005. No News Isn't Good News. Nyet Nada. Nothing. No calls from the agency. No news on the Russian media. No updates on the Ministry of Education's website. I think it's safe to say that accreditation didn't happen. Damn. But it's New Year's Eve and I'm trying to be positive. This year I only have one resolution: bring Peanut home. (Losing weight should be on my list of priorities, too. But I'll just have to be thin vicariously through my friend on 145. Written at 5:54 PM by Maggie.
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/05/with-soft-click.html
Monday, May 08, 2006. With a Soft Click. I spoke to my agency coordinator today. She says she already told me this, but somehow I didn't hear it. Peanut's new mom has pre-signed patr*nat contracts up to his 18th birthday. The door is firmly closed. Of course it hurts, but it's also reassuring to know that she is in this for the long haul. Written at 8:58 PM by Maggie. You know the cliché- when one door closes another one opens. (I am sure that wasn't helpful at all). Oh Margaret.I wish I could just g...
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/05/fear-and-loathing-in-adoption.html
Wednesday, May 03, 2006. Fear and Loathing in Adoption. I've started the process of moving on. Each time I make some ground in letting go of my sweet boy, each time I take a leap of faith in learning to trust that he's OK I start to panic a little. Written at 9:08 PM by Maggie. I don't know how you could be any other way. I think action will help you heal, even if it's just research and setting the stage. Your love for vlad will only help you be a better mom to the child who is waiting for you. Move forw...
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/04/labor-pains.html
Saturday, April 22, 2006. As you know, I'm waiting to hear if Peanut is still available for international adoption. Most likely I'll find out this week. In the meantime, I'm handling the anxiety in increasingly ouchy ways. I started out the past week not sleeping - when I. Sleeping I'm having nightmares. Freaky, weird, how-the-hell-did-that-come-out-of-my-brain nightmares. If anxiety has to have a physical manifestation, why can't it be smooth, glossy hair or great skin? Written at 11:26 PM by Maggie.
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/05/new-hope.html
Friday, May 05, 2006. A while back I posted about hope. The first quote came from an Emily Dickinson poem - one of my all time favorites. It inspired me then, but it resonates even more strongly with me now. Hope is the thing with feathers. That perches in the soul,. And sings the tunes without the words,. And never stops at all. And sweetest in the gale is heard;. And sore must be the storm. That could abash the little bird. That kept so many warm. I've heard it in the chillest land,. Hell and High Water.
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006_03_01_archive.html
Friday, March 31, 2006. Giving My Heart Away. AE Housman has been my favorite poet for years. His poems speak such truth. My very favorite is "When I Was One and Twenty.". When I was one-and-twenty. I heard a wise man say,. Give crowns and pounds and guineas. But not your heart away;. Give pearls away and rubies. But keep your fancy free.". But I was one-and-twenty,. No use to talk to me. When I was one-and-twenty. I heard him say again,. The heart out of the bosom. Was never given in vain;. Whenever I'm...
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/05/learning-lessons.html
Monday, May 01, 2006. This weekend I went back and read my adoption journal that I started back in April of 2003. I went through months of research and decision making back then. My end decision? Did God want me to revert to my original plans? If so, why do they feel so wrong for me now? Written at 6:02 PM by Maggie. Great post. Sending tons of hugs your way . I'm happy to know you are trying to get approval to contact Vlad and get some resolution about his Russian family before moving on. I think th...
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Peanut Pants
http://peanutpants.blogspot.com/2006/02/hope-quotes.html
Monday, February 20, 2006. Hope is the thing with feathers. That perches in the soul. And sings the tunes without the words. And never stops at all. Hope has been elusive for me lately. Some days I find it and manage to keep a strong grip on it. Other days when I feel hopeful I berate myself for it - after all, my hope has been smashed to pieces over and over. why do I keep building myself back up? And then there are the days that I can't find hope at all. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Hope is a ve...
