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Up the creek without a platypus: On Fakes, Faking and Toast
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Up the creek without a platypus. Wednesday, October 03, 2007. On Fakes, Faking and Toast. Who can spot a fake? But, I can. And, maybe you can too. I can spot a fake smile, a fake nod of approval, a fake boob job, a fake prosthetic limb (in the nude), a fake offer to help excavate dog doo from my shoe sole, a fake claim of rational non-fallacy, and a fake Virgin Mary outline on a piece of toast, given the right lighting conditions. After all, this is the age of faking… we have to be prepared. About The Vi...
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Up the creek without a platypus: January 2005
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Up the creek without a platypus. Saturday, January 29, 2005. NOW, of course, I know that the Coriolis Effect (though powerful enough to influence weather patterns and thought-experimental-long-distance-flying cannonball performers) cannot shake hands with something so small as my bathroom sink. (here's some fun reading on that:. 8220;Sweet home A la. A where the skies are. Can anyone in the southern hemisphere back me up? Friday, January 28, 2005. How many pairs of slippers did YOU offer someone today?
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Up the creek without a platypus: July 2005
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Up the creek without a platypus. Tuesday, July 26, 2005. Please forgive recent vacancy where posts should be. Currently finalizing a move, and homeless without internet. Please stick around, I'll be back soon! Got a great story to tell about an interaction with Japanese police over what was not actually a traffic violation, but took no less than 15 cops, to "discuss" road signs in order to resolve. Coming soon! Sooner than you can recite the invertabraes in alphabetical order, really! Us today your smile.
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Up the creek without a platypus: Jail the Jaywalkers!
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Up the creek without a platypus. Friday, June 29, 2007. Many a dangerous criminal and violent psychopath go undetected for years. They have no criminal history, no outstanding warrants, no accusations of sodomy or ferret-fucking made about them over the water cooler. They are, in the law’s eye, safe and ideal citizens: kind, normal, acquiescent and predictable. They are lawyers, bus drivers, artists, propeller makers, seatbelt engineers, writers, migration workers, waiters, water pipe salesmen, NGO organ...
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Up the creek without a platypus: December 2005
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Up the creek without a platypus. Friday, December 30, 2005. El pueblo unido jamas sera vencido! Today I was dressed to blend in with a Columbian insurgency group, or at least costumed impeccably to hit a jungle vine-hung pinata with a few Zapatistas. Though I WAS hoping to attract the attention of some cutting-edge Hollywood fashion designers, my only real objective today was to attack back-end-exited rat jewels from my mother's attic. Sigh I'm ready for bed. Tuesday, December 27, 2005. Well, I made up m...
upthecreeek.blogspot.com
Up the creek without a platypus: Job Position Available: Ruler of the Universe
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Up the creek without a platypus. Wednesday, September 05, 2007. Job Position Available: Ruler of the Universe. I’ll be looking for a new job soon. I’m pretty sure I want to be Queen of the Ants. Well… that, or Big Blade of Grass among all the grasses. In any case, I’m not the only one looking for a job with high aspirations. A friend I met a few years ago in Nepal sent me an e-mail today, divulging his ambition to get a job as ‘Master of the Universe’. Chief Executive of the Universe. Minimum of 10 billi...
upthecreeek.blogspot.com
Up the creek without a platypus: October 2005
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Up the creek without a platypus. Tuesday, October 11, 2005. Bugs- be right back. Man, I hate it when I get these. These little cabin fever, travel mites. But, I hear that only paper cuts, bluegrass dancing and plane tickets can put these little monsters back at bay. So, I'm off tomorrow to visit a friend south of the Great Lakes and, possibly, do some exploring. Expect forth-coming poetry soon from the travel mites! Thursday, October 06, 2005. I guess we're all guilty of it sometimes. So, I always thorou...
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Up the creek without a platypus: March 2005
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Up the creek without a platypus. Tuesday, March 29, 2005. Language and coffee stains. The following floated into my inbox the other day, and it reminded me of the many times I've hopelessly tried to understand and look up an incorrectly or hastily-written kanji character with a mis-placed stroke or a coffee cup stain blurring the ink:. 8220;Try reading the paragraph below. When I read it the first time. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was. Friday, March 25, 2005. An amazing tale...
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Up the creek without a platypus: February 2005
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Up the creek without a platypus. Monday, February 28, 2005. Well, since I couldn't decide if I wanted to live in San Fran or San Juan, I decided to go with the next best option. Yes- it's San-Artemis. And, yes, my children will need therapy. And- yes, I'm kidding. And-yes- that's O.K. Friday, February 25, 2005. So, to make a nice, curvy human with breasts and muff, we need two X chromosomes. To get a sculpted human with a sexy, albeit odd, protrusion, we need an X and a Y…. The platypuses are coming!
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Up the creek without a platypus: August 2005
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Up the creek without a platypus. Sunday, August 28, 2005. Wow, it's so nice to be back in beautiful California where the weather is idyllic, the language understandable and everything makes sense again. Ahh. It's hellishly hot in the smoggy San Fernando Valley. Even the palm trees are trying to go underground in an attempt to become tubors and avoid the scalding sun. Did Arnold Muscleman outlaw proper consumption proportions while I was gone? If so, I think I'll take my chances. I have a developing theor...
