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Why Men Don’t Read Instruction Manuals – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/06/24/why-men-dont-read-instruction-manuals

Why Men Don’t Read Instruction Manuals. June 24, 2015. August 2, 2015. We just got a brand new washing machine today – it’s brilliant, and we got a good deal too. So We should be happy. And we are, but…. 8230;but we made the mistake of reading the manual. I got a flash-back to when I was a slip of a lad – I’d just bought a second hand car. It was wonderful. I loved it, and bombed about quite the thing. What a feeling! Ignorance is truly bliss! I was gutted. Look at all the things I could have had! Follow...

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Unattractive Opposites – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/07/14/unattractive-opposites

July 14, 2015. What’s the opposite of Black? The answer is usually White. That is what my children answered. But when this comes to people, does that suggest that people of different skin tones are potentially in natural opposition? Now there’s a thought. What’s the opposite of Man? My children offered: Woman. Really? Are women and men OPPOSITES? I’d go for orange myself. I hear all the time that opposites attract – an idea that, in my view, only ever applies to magnets and nothing else. In rel...However...

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When Children Begin to Tell Risqué Jokes To Their Parents – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/when-children-begin-to-tell-risque-jokes-to-their-parents

Near to the bone. When Children Begin to Tell Risqué Jokes To Their Parents. June 15, 2015. December 24, 2015. My son (he’s 8) tells a joke:. 8220;Mum, how can you tell your teacher’s age? 8220;I don’t know; how do you tell your teacher’s age? 8220;Pull her knickers off”. Knickers it says ‘ aged six to eight'”. 8220;ah………….”. I laughed like a drain when I heard the boy tell this joke, and saw his mothers face – and was reminded of the time I told my mother a borderline joke back in the day. 8221; I began.

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Why The Chicken Crossed The Road – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/07/18/why-the-chicken-crossed-the-road

Why The Chicken Crossed The Road. July 18, 2015. August 9, 2015. One of the things I regretted almost instantly was getting my son a book of jokes. He was only seven years old, and he LOVED it, and ever since we have been treated to his jokes many times a day. Of course, we love him, and would never do anything other than encourage him – and we are British – so we always manage a polite laugh. This came up recently, and it was explained to me that they are “ anti-jokes. So, to me, the wit in the answer i...

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Growing Up with An Alpha Dog – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/06/04/growing-up-with-an-alpha-dog

Growing Up with An Alpha Dog. June 4, 2015. August 2, 2015. Dogs can be really clever. And also annoying. When I was growing up, we had a black-and-white Collie called Bob who was “a law unto himself” as my mother would say. Most of the time he did what he liked, but at least he respected us all enough to pretend to obey and be a “good boy”. As he got older, however, this respect faded. As the youngest, I didn’t drive a car. One time I got myself spruced up to go out to a disco, left the house ...I thoug...

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Sad Song Torture – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/06/28/sad-song-torture

June 28, 2015. August 9, 2015. The news today that Joni Mitchell is unable to speak due to an aneurysm started me thinking about sad songs. Joni certainly sang a lot of sad songs – wistful ballads, filled with regret or longing, perfect songs for sad times and depression. This is what made me wonder. I saw the Rolling Stones 20 years apart – and it occurred to me that they have had to play those songs over and over – over the whole 20 years and more, over the whole world. I can imagine that Uptown Funk m...

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Sharp Answers – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/08/08/sharp-answers

August 8, 2015. August 8, 2015. During a discussion at the family dinner table, my wife made a statement to which I responded,. 8220;But you don’t know that’s true, it’s just an allegation, and we all know who made these allegations…”. My son stopped eating and looked up to interrupt with. 8220;Was it an alligator? It got a big laugh – yet, when you think about it, it is true, allegations must be made by alligators. Forms may be filled in or filled out. Both mean the form is completed. Address never made...

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The Dark Side of Supermarkets – davidavien

https://davidavien.wordpress.com/2015/06/19/the-dark-side-of-supermarkets

The Dark Side of Supermarkets. June 19, 2015. August 9, 2015. Supermarkets can sometimes be quite dramatic. For example, I was once next to be served at a check-out till in a small local supermarket when a strange thing happened. The cashier was scanning items, and passing them onto a sloping conveyor to be bagged by the customer, when a scanned watermelon rolled down the slope. It gathered speed and struck the lip at the end of the check-out, where it was launched into the air. I did once see a woman fa...