scottonpinkney.blogspot.com

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking: The Cosmic Gas Cap

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/06/cosmic-gas-cap.html

Monday, June 4, 2007. The Cosmic Gas Cap. My friend Karen used to have an old Dodge Aspen, and we spent the entire summer riding around in it while smoking pot and listening to Pink Floyd. We were both nineteen, and neither of us were in school, so riding around and getting stoned while Saucerful of Secrets blared on her kick-ass car speakers seemed like a lot more fun than anything else we could think of. And that, we assumed, was that. As we drove away, we felt a certain satisfaction with how the loose...

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking: Bombs Away!

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/05/bombs-away.html

Thursday, May 31, 2007. It's all in the details. Take this paragraph, for example, the one you're reading right now. You think I just typed this out in one fell swoop? No no no - it's. More complicated than that. It may only take you 15 or 20 seconds to read this paragraph, but it took me about 15 minutes to write it. And that's just one paragraph! It But I can't. I'm not a freaking. Jesus Christ, people. Get off my fucking back. I'm Sorry. I didn't mean to yell. But you see what I'm saying? And now, you...

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/10/i-heart-my-brain.html

Thursday, October 4, 2007. Not to be a Mr McBraggypants or anything, but I have to say: I am quite pleased with my brain. For one thing, it's durable as hell. You wouldn't believe the wear and tear I've put on this baby, yet it still performs like a champ. For example, I once did acid almost continuously for an entire month - and sure, ok - I did go a little schizo for a while. I won't deny that. But you know what? And then there's all that Ecstasy. People say E screws your brain up, right? And it's not ...

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking: Save the Music Industry - Steal More Music

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/04/save-music-industry-steal-more-music.html

Wednesday, April 18, 2007. Save the Music Industry - Steal More Music. Don't worry, I'll get back to the penis-related humor soon.). Recently on the News:. 19 out of 20 songs downloaded on the internet are illegal downloads! Record companies are seriously worried they might go bankrupt! News for a change. But you're stealing from the artists! Why should they get paid, over and over, into infinity, for a song they performed a single time in a studio? Hear me out, foolish non-believers. The Good Old Days:.

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking: Jesus and Elvis: Midgets and Quicksand

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/05/jesus-and-elvis-midgets-and-quicksand.html

Thursday, May 10, 2007. Jesus and Elvis: Midgets and Quicksand. Man, I just had a weird experience. I just went up to the convenience store, right? So I'm in there getting some slim-jims and some twinkies, right? And all of a sudden, there's all these midgets everywhere. Yeah, man, like 5 or 6 of them. Did they come in after you did, or where they already inside before you walked in? I think they were already in the store before I walked in. You probably just didn't see them because-. Midget, ok. But.

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking: Jesus and Elvis: Here Comes Freakazoid

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/04/jesus-and-elvis-here-comes-freakazoid.html

Monday, April 23, 2007. Jesus and Elvis: Here Comes Freakazoid. And that's what people never really get about the New Testament, is that half the time I was just being sarcastic, and the other half I was -. Ah, shit. Here comes. Don't look now, man. Nah, Charlie. Ah,. He sees us. Great, he's walking over. Oh, hey, Charlie. What's happening man? What's up, Chuck? Hi Jesus. Hey Elvis. Nothing much. I recorded a new CD. You guys wanna come over tonight and listen to it? What's funny, Elvis? Yeah, mostly&#46...

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking: When you're at the end of your rope...

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/09/when-youre-at-end-of-your-rope.html

Friday, September 28, 2007. When you're at the end of your rope. We all get the blues from time to time. It's only natural. But has your depression moved into the next phase? Do you sometimes feel that life is more of a hassle than it's worth? Maybe you feel like it's time to just end it all. Well, before you do that, be sure to call:. Did you know that there are over 3,000 suicide attempts each year? Our helpful suicide councilors are familiar with many very effective techniques, such as:. Because there...

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/04/jesus-and-elvis-at-park-elvis-hey-jesus.html

Monday, April 16, 2007. Jesus and Elvis: At The park. Hey, Jesus, man - lemme ask you something. Now be honest. Who ya like better: Me or The Beatles. Oh Well, um. gee, Elvis, I uh. Aw, c'mon man. Don't tell me you like those hippies better than your best bud? I'm just saying, on a musical level, you know. The White Album was just so ahead of it's time. Plus, they wrote their own material and all. So, you ain't, like, pissed off about that whole “We're bigger than Jesus” thing? 8221;, right? Yeah, man&#4...

captainsmack.blogspot.com

This Is Your Captain Speaking: Old Whupass

http://captainsmack.blogspot.com/2007/07/old-whupass.html

Tuesday, July 31, 2007. The problem is that I can't tell if the whupass is still any good. There doesn't seem to be an expiration date on any of the the cans, and I'm not sure how long I've had them. Does whupass go stale? Whupass. Oh no! The worst part was that after the fight, the guy ended up giving me his phone number. I never called him, of course. That whole “country boy” thing is such a turn off. Maybe I'll just sell these old cans of whupass on eBay. Let somebody else deal with it. In the...I thi...