trashymama.blogspot.com
Trashy Mama: June 2010
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Friday, June 25, 2010. I poo in blue. My diaper is full.full of chic. When it's number two. I look like number one.". Doesn't that Huggies Jeans commercial fucking rock the planet? I love the Europop soundtrack and the disdainful-looking miniature fashion model of a baby. He's all like, "Fuck yeah. I look cool. And you've got ELMO on your diapers, suckas.". This is my kind of advertising - shameless, ridiculous and hilarious. Saturday, June 19, 2010. The prodigal son has returned! I am your WIFE! Ok, in ...
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Trashy Mama: May 2010
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Friday, May 14, 2010. Trashiest dinner in weeks! After weeks of trying to cook real food, some of it even ethnic, I have returned to my comfort zone. Dinner was dinosaur chicken nuggets with wing sauce and blue cheese dressing. Half-Assic Park! Oscar had grilled cheese. Smart kid. Sunday, May 9, 2010. Oscar has taught himself to burp at will. Other than that, he's been a naughty imp all day, and just informed me that he doesn't love me anymore because he was told to stop jumping on the couch. Surely ther...
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Trashy Mama: I love you, Mommie dearest.
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Sunday, May 8, 2011. I love you, Mommie dearest. Wishing all trashy mamas no wire hangers today. Here's to all the bloody steak, shoulder pads, axes, Bon Ami cleanser, and all the ankle-strapped fuck-me pumps you desire. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom). I'm no Britney, but there's still time. Am I a bad mother? Sure, I gave my kid crepes and Yoo-Hoo for dinner a couple of weeks ago, and we're not much for baths, but I do keep the Cheetos to a minimum and do not put Mountain Dew in his sippy cup.
trashymama.blogspot.com
Trashy Mama: March 2011
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Sunday, March 20, 2011. Oscar and I are sitting here sipping our coffee (DON'T CALL CPS, IT'S DECAF) and I just ate a piece of cake. Hey, there are lemons in the cake, so vitamin C, right? I have to admit, it is funny to see other people react when Oscar asks for coffee, or coffee ice cream. The looks! Isn't caffeine BAD for children? They ask, with a pointed look at me. I usually shrug and say. "Well, they don't have rum raisin, his other favorite.". Monday, March 14, 2011. I am not one of these women.
trashymama.blogspot.com
Trashy Mama: Greetings from the Land of the Swollen
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Friday, June 17, 2011. Greetings from the Land of the Swollen. Trashy Knocked-up Mama here. Yeah, I know I look like Jabba the Hutt right now. Holy shit, I am sweaty and swollen. I am the antithesis of the glowy expectant mother. I just want to eat cupcakes and read Facebook, as my brain has stubbornly moved into first gear. I want to clean things and organize things but I am tired. And I have heartburn. And my left cankle is HUGE. Huge and GROSS. Did I mention I'm sweaty? WITH A SIDE OF CHEEZ WHIZ.
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Trashy Mama: August 2011
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Saturday, August 13, 2011. All Hail The King. The King of Ca-Ca. The Prince of Poopy. The Duke of Dookie. The Earl of Upchuck. The trashlet has arrived. He is, of course, the cutest baby ever, with the possible exception of Oscar, who was damn cute too but very different from Little Lord Trashleroy. I adore him, of course, and am adjusting to life with two little trashlets instead of just one. I had forgotten about a few things. 4 Cankles AFTERWARD. Dude, my feet were so huge afterward that they woul...
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Trashy Mama: April 2011
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Friday, April 15, 2011. Kid Cuisine.corny carny goodness. So, I fed Oscar a Kids Cuisine meal tonight because I am a lazy piece of shit. Hey, pregnant, tired and whatnot. Cut me a break. I let him choose and he wanted the corn dog, so whatevs. AND I KNOW IT'S FRIDAY AND LENT AND SHUT UP PLZ THX. It featured a corn dog, corn (sense a theme here? Fries (about three of them) and chocolate pudding. Not a vitamin to be seen! The pudding has that frozen-dinner pudding skin on it. It smells pretty good, honestly.
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Trashy Mama: September 2011
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Thursday, September 1, 2011. I know it's pretty UMC of me to breastfeed, or at least sort of breastfeed while also giving formula. But it is trashy of me to note that my breast is bigger than my baby's head. It cracks me up to see this tiny boy clutching my boob, calmly regarding me with a touch of scorn. "WTF is up wit the tits, Mom? Don't allow them to crush me, please.". Also, breastfeeding is the least sexy thing ever. Moooooo. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom). WITH A SIDE OF CHEEZ WHIZ. Go Get Your Jacket.
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Trashy Mama: October 2011
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Friday, October 7, 2011. Ok, I am no storybook mother. I propped a bottle for the little guy so I could eat and all I could think was WIRE MONKEY MOTHER. Poor kid was giving me the most pathetic look, too. "why won't you hold me? Don't you love me enough to feed me? ARZgH stop it, hormonal voices in my head! In other news, yesterday Oscar was lying close to the baby, crooning a song. I sneaked up to watch and listen and feast on the cute. What are you singing, honey? He's an evil baby. Go Get Your Jacket.
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