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Searching for Serenity

Friday, December 22, 2006. When I first got into 12-step, I heard people sharing about "shedding their persona." I was terrified. As a love avoidant, my primary fear in relationships is a fear of losing my identity through enmeshment. This fear comes from having a mother who has enmeshed with me throughout my life. So I thought to myself, how is shedding my persona in this program different from losing my identity in a relationship. Melodramatic / lie through exaggeration / attention-seeking. I cried on ...

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Searching for Serenity | sexloveserenity.blogspot.com Reviews

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Friday, December 22, 2006. When I first got into 12-step, I heard people sharing about shedding their persona. I was terrified. As a love avoidant, my primary fear in relationships is a fear of losing my identity through enmeshment. This fear comes from having a mother who has enmeshed with me throughout my life. So I thought to myself, how is shedding my persona in this program different from losing my identity in a relationship. Melodramatic / lie through exaggeration / attention-seeking. I cried on ...

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1 searching for serenity

2 shedding my persona

3 victimization / self pity

4 anxious / fearful

5 manipulative

6 3 comments

7 new love interest

8 sigh

9 1 comments

10 break up blues

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searching for serenity,shedding my persona,victimization / self pity,anxious / fearful,manipulative,3 comments,new love interest,sigh,1 comments,break up blues,that i love,writing you songs,writing your book,the electrical wires,drawing your pictures,name

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Searching for Serenity | sexloveserenity.blogspot.com Reviews

https://sexloveserenity.blogspot.com

Friday, December 22, 2006. When I first got into 12-step, I heard people sharing about "shedding their persona." I was terrified. As a love avoidant, my primary fear in relationships is a fear of losing my identity through enmeshment. This fear comes from having a mother who has enmeshed with me throughout my life. So I thought to myself, how is shedding my persona in this program different from losing my identity in a relationship. Melodramatic / lie through exaggeration / attention-seeking. I cried on ...

INTERNAL PAGES

sexloveserenity.blogspot.com

1

Searching for Serenity: I am a Sex Addict: the Movie

http://sexloveserenity.blogspot.com/2006/04/i-am-sex-addict-movie.html

Monday, April 10, 2006. I am a Sex Addict: the Movie. So I finally saw the movie, I am a Sex Addict. I have to say, it was very painful to watch. Mostly because I could relate so well to his "strategies" to manage his addiction. I struggled with the same strategies:. Confessional truth telling with my partner. Dishonesty to protect her from what I was doing. Trying to get her involved in my acting out. None of these strategies worked. And it was painful to watch him make the same mistakes I made. I had a...

2

Searching for Serenity: One Month Later

http://sexloveserenity.blogspot.com/2006/05/one-month-later.html

Tuesday, May 02, 2006. Monday marked one month since I told R that I was attracted to him. Sunday had marked six months since I'd last had sex. Today marks the first day since I've started dating R that I've felt the desire to contact my old qualifier. Funny: it took me several minutes to even recall my qualifier's name. But I thought an email to/from him might cheer me up. [Don't worry. I didn't give in to this fleeting impulse.]. I don't feel safe. At the moment, I want out. I wear myself out fast.

3

Searching for Serenity: Date #6: The STD Question

http://sexloveserenity.blogspot.com/2006/04/date-6-std-question.html

Monday, April 24, 2006. Date #6: The STD Question. We've now had six dates (R and I). I really like him very much. I'm feeling really comfortable with him and would like things to progress on a physical level. It feels like an extension of how I feel for him, and not an escape. So. the question came up on our last date. R: I don't have any STD's. [Implied question: Do you? Alas, I am just trying to sit with these unpleasant feelings. I keep saying the serenity prayer. And the wisdom to know the difference.

4

Searching for Serenity: I *Like* Him

http://sexloveserenity.blogspot.com/2006/04/i-like-him.html

Sunday, April 09, 2006. So I told R that I thought maybe we should slow down on the kisses for now. At the time, I was so proud of myself for making this request. And I was incredibly pleased that he took it so well. But now, the night before our next date, I'm regretting the request. :-} Pooey. I want more kisses! We had a couple of really great phone calls since our first date. We were really honest with each other. Posted by Serenity at 1:04 AM. Trust me on this! Dear Looovvveee Doctah,. I'm not sure ...

5

Searching for Serenity: Date #3

http://sexloveserenity.blogspot.com/2006/04/date-3.html

Friday, April 14, 2006. Yesterday, R and I had date #3. We went to lunch together and for a walk in the park. It was very nice and relaxing. R was looking super cute and clearly had put some thought into his attire, which charmed me immensely. These details reassure me that he must like me, despite how slowly things are progressing. In the meantime, an interesting thing has happened. I am feeling a shift inside me. Posted by Serenity at 3:03 PM. What does enmesh mean? View my complete profile.

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depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: November 2004

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2004_11_01_archive.html

Sunday, November 07, 2004. Update on Dr. Gorgeoous. I saw my Gorgeous Therapist this past Thursday for the first time. I walked into the waiting room of her posh digs and was greeted with a soothing sound (I don't even recall what it was! What magazine would you be happiest to find in your therapist's office? I'll put my answer in the comments' section. In the waiting room, I thought to myself, among other things, "This ongoing joke about her being gorgeous is likely just that? Mia's a Death Maiden.

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: Strange Mourning

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2008/10/strange-mourning.html

Monday, October 20, 2008. I think that when Cloud was dying and I thought I was going to be going right to a new job, I was under the subconscious assumption that I would be able to put off grief because I'd be so focused on preparing for the new job. Now that the new job has been delayed, and Cloud has died, I find myself faced with my grief. Posted by Jayla @ Monday, October 20, 2008. At Tuesday, October 21, 2008 3:52:00 AM. At Tuesday, October 21, 2008 1:47:00 PM. You are in my thoughts! Maybe a 1 or ...

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: December 2004

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2004_12_01_archive.html

Tuesday, December 21, 2004. Therapist in a Cage. I went to see Dr. Gorgeous for a second time last Thursday. You might ask yourself, "Why is there such a long gap between Jennynyc's first two appointments? He was the slave of his gay partner! It doesn't get more progressive than that! I had this second session with Dr. G (for "Gorgeous") before the relationship with C ended. I'm getting neurotic with details here! Posted by Jayla @ Tuesday, December 21, 2004. Sunday, December 12, 2004. EJ Writes Dark Poe...

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: PMS

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2004/12/pms.html

Sunday, December 12, 2004. I got my period on Friday, December 10th. The night before I had very noticable PMS. I felt overly sensitive (an issue for me even without PMS) to criticism perceived by me from others. I cried but it felt like a nice cry. I felt needy, particulary for reassurance about small, perceived slights. I am more acutely aware of PMS symptoms lately. Posted by Jayla @ Sunday, December 12, 2004. At Monday, December 13, 2004 2:46:00 PM. I feel for ya there sister! I have suffered from de...

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: The Cold

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2005/03/cold.html

Tuesday, March 15, 2005. Posted by Jayla @ Tuesday, March 15, 2005. At Wednesday, March 16, 2005 8:00:00 AM. I'm so sorry that you are feeling under the weather,hope to have you up and about soon sweetie! Sounds like you are taking all the right things-have you tried orange juice too? At Wednesday, March 16, 2005 12:52:00 PM. At Wednesday, March 16, 2005 3:53:00 PM. I just hope it feels better very soon, and if not, I'll come minister to my dear girl. At Wednesday, March 16, 2005 3:56:00 PM. If it's abov...

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: October 2008

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2008_10_01_archive.html

Monday, October 20, 2008. I think that when Cloud was dying and I thought I was going to be going right to a new job, I was under the subconscious assumption that I would be able to put off grief because I'd be so focused on preparing for the new job. Now that the new job has been delayed, and Cloud has died, I find myself faced with my grief. Posted by Jayla @ Monday, October 20, 2008. Some Days Feel More Altered Than Others. Even Princesses Have Bad Days. Mia's a Death Maiden. Smooch Dog Gets Blue Too.

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: October 2004

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2004_10_01_archive.html

Friday, October 29, 2004. Scheduled Appointment with Gorgeous Therapist. I scheduled a therapy appointment with a new therapist, Ellen, for Th. Nov. 4th. My friend Laurie recommended her. Laurie said that Ellen is straight, has a daughter, and is gorgeous. She gets strikes of envy from me on all accounts! Posted by Jayla @ Friday, October 29, 2004. Tuesday, October 19, 2004. Leslie (who has a really cool blog, www.healthdiaries.com/tummyache-blog.htm. Wrote in a comment to my Tuesday Oct. 5 post:. Eg hop...

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: Therapist in a Cage

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2004/12/therapist-in-cage.html

Tuesday, December 21, 2004. Therapist in a Cage. I went to see Dr. Gorgeous for a second time last Thursday. You might ask yourself, "Why is there such a long gap between Jennynyc's first two appointments? He was the slave of his gay partner! It doesn't get more progressive than that! I had this second session with Dr. G (for "Gorgeous") before the relationship with C ended. I'm getting neurotic with details here! Posted by Jayla @ Tuesday, December 21, 2004. At Tuesday, December 21, 2004 12:48:00 PM.

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: Malaise

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2005/01/malaise.html

Wednesday, January 26, 2005. I have an empty feeling this evening. It's hard to say why but here are some ideas or really maybe just some complaints:. But I say this all month. 2) Not that happy with my boss's work evaluation. 3) Have supervision with boss tomorrow and don't want to be chastised about anything. 4) Going to Minnesota and wish I was going somewhere warm. I want sun and a beach so much. That's always my favorite vacation. I'm going for my friend's wedding. 5) Behind in paper work. And if it...

depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com

Depression and Anxiety: May 2005

http://depressionandanxiety.blogspot.com/2005_05_01_archive.html

Sunday, May 01, 2005. PMS after a good month. The comments on my last post were so thoughtful and helpful. They were better than my post, LOL. People's suggestions (again referring to the comments) may seem simple but they are often things I have not thought of or haven't taken seriously. So I can't say enough about how much I appreciate such genuine and supportive feedback. It means a lot to me. Posted by Jayla @ Sunday, May 01, 2005. Some Days Feel More Altered Than Others. Even Princesses Have Bad Days.

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sexloveserenity.blogspot.com

Searching for Serenity

Friday, December 22, 2006. When I first got into 12-step, I heard people sharing about "shedding their persona." I was terrified. As a love avoidant, my primary fear in relationships is a fear of losing my identity through enmeshment. This fear comes from having a mother who has enmeshed with me throughout my life. So I thought to myself, how is shedding my persona in this program different from losing my identity in a relationship. Melodramatic / lie through exaggeration / attention-seeking. I cried on ...

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