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Mayonnaise Bathtub: July 2009

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009. THE ROOM: A Public Service Announcement. It's even better in person,. Especially here in Los Angeles, where screenings are hosted by Tommy Wiseau himself. Until then, you can tide yourself over with Mayonnaise Bathtub's own writeup. Monday, July 6, 2009. THE SUBSTITUTE 4: FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION (2001). Undercover asskicker Treat Williams must pose as a teacher to infiltrate and destroy a white supremacist group at a military academy. Decrying of "Atheists and multiculturalists!

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: April 2010

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Friday, April 30, 2010. Real-life Australian stunt man Grant Page moves to Hollywood, hangs out with his cousin's real-life metal band, Sorcery; after an hour-and-a-half of stunt montages, they mount an unforgettable stage fusion of STUNTS AND ROCK. STUNTS. And ROCK. Together at last, in a movie to which Michael Bay might totally spank it morning, noon, and night. It was obviously cliff-jumping-on-fire footage run backwards, and it was equally obviously AWESOME. One could almost call it symbolic of.i...

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: TROLL 2 (1990)

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Tuesday, December 14, 2010. A family vacations in a town of vegetarian goblins that turn humans into plants and then eat them. One was not enough because this is not a sequel, and it's not about trolls. At all. This movie is about so many other things. So many things. Why does that girl have freckles drawn on with eyeliner? Is the father adjusting his belt about to urinate on his son or whip his ass or.go on hunger strike? Why is dead Grandpa Seth only selectively visible? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE?

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: June 2009

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Tuesday, June 30, 2009. TOUGH GUYS DON'T DANCE (1987). An ex-con wakes from the bender of his life to discover that he may have murdered someone.or several someones. Free writing lesson from Norman Mailer, who adapted the script from his own novel: There is "less plot" involved in writing a screenplay than a novel. Also from Mailer's making-of featurette: Drug deals are more exciting than real estate deals, and this is a thriller movie. It really should be classified more as a mystery, though, since it a...

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: August 2009

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Sunday, August 9, 2009. MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS (2009). Scientists struggle to rein in two freshly-defrosted prehistoric creatures before they can destroy the world's oceans.and the world! Meanwhile, the MEGA SHARK jumps out of the water 30,000 feet to nom an airplane! Then later it jumps out of the water again to nom the Golden Gate Bridge in half! Vic will return to Tokyo and Deborah will stay in San Francisco; they will release sexy sea creature smells underwater to lure and then corral each crea...

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: September 2009

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Sunday, September 20, 2009. An aging high-class London prostitute takes up with the club sound technician; dramantics ensue. You probably know this already, but if you coerce a hooker into dating you because you are disgusted by her line of work and want to save her from her own depravity - all the while dealing in arms trading yourself - and then yell at her and physically threaten her, you can make her do whatever you want, including love you! Helen Mirren being awesome (as usual). Girl on Girl Action.

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: INCUBUS (1965)

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Saturday, September 4, 2010. William Shatner battles mod/hippie nuns who sacrifice innocent men's souls to the devil. Three things you need to know about this movie right away:. 2 Its dialogue is entirely in Esperanto, the "universal language" that is spoken all over the world but by not very many people in a given spot. 3 It was shot by Conrad Hall, the DP who later won Oscars for his work on BUTCH CASSIDY and THE SUNDANCE KID, AMERICAN BEAUTY, and ROAD TO PERDITION. From the 1999 re-release. I learned ...

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: TRIPLE X PRESENTS: THE BEST OF LEZSPLOITATION (2007)

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Monday, May 3, 2010. TRIPLE X PRESENTS: THE BEST OF LEZSPLOITATION (2007). Pretty much what it sounds like. This still is from DAUGHTERS OF LESBOS, which has the best narration ever: "She was constructing a sexual pyramid.". 47 minutes of just the good parts, ma'am! Filmmaker Michelle Johnson aka Triple X has lovingly assembled a grindhouse-era montage of what the Outfest blurb calls "seduction and consummation among schoolmates, cellmates, swingers, nuns and vampires." That's right! Girl on Girl Action.

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: May 2010

http://mayonnaisebathtub.blogspot.com/2010_05_01_archive.html

Monday, May 3, 2010. TRIPLE X PRESENTS: THE BEST OF LEZSPLOITATION (2007). Pretty much what it sounds like. This still is from DAUGHTERS OF LESBOS, which has the best narration ever: "She was constructing a sexual pyramid.". 47 minutes of just the good parts, ma'am! Filmmaker Michelle Johnson aka Triple X has lovingly assembled a grindhouse-era montage of what the Outfest blurb calls "seduction and consummation among schoolmates, cellmates, swingers, nuns and vampires." That's right! Girl on Girl Action.

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Mayonnaise Bathtub: MEGA PIRANHA (2010) - part one-point-five of two

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Saturday, April 24, 2010. MEGA PIRANHA (2010) - part one-point-five of two. Due to a TiVo crisis*, further analysis of killer fish is on hold. We watched JURASSIC PARK III instead, and, well, beyond the ALL SUBTEXT ALL THE TIME dialogue, what can you say about a nicely-structured nonstop action movie with good effects where Allesandro Nivola looks buff and flexes conspicuously? Anyway, please enjoy this MEGA PIRANHA consolation prize interview with Tiffany. Special thanks to Julie. Girl on Girl Action.