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Hanging on in quiet desperation: August 2008

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Hanging on in quiet desperation. Sunday, August 31, 2008. SoI got the extreme lashes yesterday and I LOVE them! I didn't even get a full set- just the bare minimum but let me tell you- I no longer need mascara! I had a pretty good day yesterday actually. And then one of my cousins will be here with her husband on thursday. And another one will show up on saturday. I got my box of meds. Looking at all of the needles and different drugs gave me a headache and I can't help feeling sorry for myself that I ha...

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: Hello? Is there anybody in there?

http://hopeitsnottoolate.blogspot.com/2010/02/hello-is-there-anybody-in-there.html

Hanging on in quiet desperation. Sunday, February 14, 2010. Is there anybody in there? Not sure if any of my old buddies are around anymore. From what I can tell, almost all have conceived and I am really happy for all of them (you). Whenever an infertile conceives, it gives the rest of us some hope. Anyway, it's been quite a while since my last post. 7 months actually. WOW. Time flies.Here's my not so brief update. Our cycle in July was ok. We ended up with 4 embies. So that I could have more embies.

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: April 2009

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Hanging on in quiet desperation. Thursday, April 23, 2009. Don't look so frightened, this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days. I had a bad day today. I had a really bad day. So much went wrong today. Sometimes I don't know if I can keep going. Today, I took a long look at my left over needles and bottles of sodium chloride and I wondered what over the counter drug I could break up and inject myself with for a painless death. Pretty pathetic, I know. Sunday, April 19, 2009. May not work sets in?

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: March 2009

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Hanging on in quiet desperation. Sunday, March 29, 2009. The fire still burns, raging through the pain. It hasn't gotten any easier. Even breathing is extra hard. I have to make a conscious effort for each breath. I feel trapped in a body I want no part of. I want to leave but there is no exit. I hate feeling trapped. I hate closed spaces. Thursday, March 26, 2009. Clawing the thin ice. How can I go through a lifetime of answering stupid questions like 'oh, you don't want children? Monday, March 23, 2009.

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: I sentence you to be exposed before peers

http://hopeitsnottoolate.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-sentence-you-to-be-exposed-before.html

Hanging on in quiet desperation. Monday, February 22, 2010. I sentence you to be exposed before peers. I got an extremely painful phone call tonight. Here I am in Denver, on our 6th ivf procedure. Our savings GONE, vacation time GONE and hope about 90% gone and I got a phone call. One of my very best friends is a man and he knows everything we've been through the last few years. Anyway, he called adn this is how the conversation went:. Him: "where are you? What are you doing? Me: "I'm in Denver.". Februa...

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: YUP! It's definitely the drugs.

http://hopeitsnottoolate.blogspot.com/2009/07/yup-its-definitely-drugs.html

Hanging on in quiet desperation. Monday, July 20, 2009. It's definitely the drugs. And I'm really starting to feel it. For absolutely no reason, I want to pound the shit out of something. My poor DH! Besides that, we are really enjoying Colorado and made this into a mini vacation. We spent Friday. In Cheyenne, Wyoming, Saturday. In Canon City, and yesterday in Vail. Yes, DH is an adventurer and rarely leaves a moment free! We both worked from the hotel today so it was a pretty uneventful day. I am really...

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: July 2009

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Hanging on in quiet desperation. Monday, July 20, 2009. It's definitely the drugs. And I'm really starting to feel it. For absolutely no reason, I want to pound the shit out of something. My poor DH! Besides that, we are really enjoying Colorado and made this into a mini vacation. We spent Friday. In Cheyenne, Wyoming, Saturday. In Canon City, and yesterday in Vail. Yes, DH is an adventurer and rarely leaves a moment free! We both worked from the hotel today so it was a pretty uneventful day. After my la...

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: Don't look so frightened, this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days.

http://hopeitsnottoolate.blogspot.com/2009/04/dont-look-so-frightened-this-is-just.html

Hanging on in quiet desperation. Thursday, April 23, 2009. Don't look so frightened, this is just a passing phase, one of my bad days. I had a bad day today. I had a really bad day. So much went wrong today. Sometimes I don't know if I can keep going. Today, I took a long look at my left over needles and bottles of sodium chloride and I wondered what over the counter drug I could break up and inject myself with for a painless death. Pretty pathetic, I know. Big hugs to you my friend! I've been a lurker f...

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: November 2008

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Hanging on in quiet desperation. Wednesday, November 5, 2008. Trying to be strong. First of all, I am so happy with the election result. We have proven to the world what kind of country we are and they can all shut up now because this would not happen anywhere else! We really do practice what we preach. We are a beautfiul. Democracy, a government for the people, by the people and we cherish our freedom. Also, my work schedule will be a little better around the holidays. DH and I are struggling a bit....

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Hanging on in quiet desperation: October 2008

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Hanging on in quiet desperation. Saturday, October 25, 2008. So I've been pretty stressed since thursday. Whatever I do, I am so fortunate to have a network of other IF'ers. Thursday, October 23, 2008. When it rains it pours. First of all, thank you so much to all of you who reached out to me when I got my negative. It meant a lot to me and I appreciate it. And I hate BCP's. Then I got into a fight with my mom who for the 1000000000000000 time, told me it's because I stress too much and it would happen o...