nonewzhomefires.blogspot.com
Home Fires: July 2005
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Friday, July 29, 2005. Sunday I am going to my sister Anita's house. She is having a birthday party for my niece. Family gatherings always end with a stack of mental material for me, so I can hardly wait. The only thing that bums me out about the upcoming festivities is that Anita asked me to make baked beans to go with the dinner she is making. I guess she has grand Dutch oven plans with her old man Sunday night. Don't you love your big sister? Don't you want to make your niece's birthday special? She w...
nonewzhomefires.blogspot.com
Home Fires: June 2005
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Thursday, June 30, 2005. She Drives Me Crazy, Like No One Else. Visiting with my mother is always an experience. Taking her out in public is always an adventure. The thing is, Mom doesn't drive, which means, she doesn't get out often. When a sucker like me comes along and says, "Hey Mom, let's go shopping." she can't get ready fast enough. On day two (See yesterday's post for day one.). Well that's the same look Mom gets in almost any store. Is that not the coolest screen door you have ever seen? I tried...
straitjacketfits.blogspot.com
The Straitjacket Fits: June 2005
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Thursday, June 16, 2005. IT'S THE DIRTY THOUGHT THAT COUNTS (part uno). It's the middle of June and you know what that means don't you? That's right, Christmas is right around the corner! I know what you're thinking, what could I possibly buy my girl at a drugstore for Christmas that she wouldn't promptly shove back up my jolly ass? You have a good point, but just hear me out. How does a Purple Pepe sound? Don't know what a Purple Pepe is, well, check this bad boy out:. Requires 3 AA Batteries. Heh, I sa...
straitjacketfits.blogspot.com
The Straitjacket Fits: December 2004
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Thursday, December 23, 2004. Nextdoor Kitty and The Stairwell of Death. Ok this is a repost of a comment i posted on Becka's wonderful blog in case one of her three Hondurian exchange students missed it.alright, actually i'm just eternally slack.but i'm working on a sizeable piece to be posted here soon and hope to get regular with my updates after the holidays die down, so back off Lois! Until then Merry Christmas to all the Online Peepage and let's not forget peace. In the new year! Someone kill me now.
straitjacketfits.blogspot.com
The Straitjacket Fits: August 2004
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Sunday, August 29, 2004. The Mysterious, Deep Guy Effect. An oriental, spicy scent, for the mysterious, deep guy effect. A sure way to put a spell on that sultry, otherworldly vixen.". Smell check 1.smell check 1,2.smell check 1,2,3. Well, I sure can't wait until the sultry, otherworldly vixens in the office cubes today get a noseful of my Van Dam Nice Smelling Bod.methinks I'll be fighting them off with my company-provided dead-pen collection which I have been saving for just such an appropriate occ...
straitjacketfits.blogspot.com
The Straitjacket Fits: April 2005
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Friday, April 08, 2005. Leave Your Batman at the Door. If anybody gives my nephew any Batman paraphernalia as a present he makes it very clear what he think of this non-effort to get to know him. He doesn’t support it. And this is conveyed in a manner rather unbefitting of a gentleman, or even a caveman. Let’s take a look at the some numbers to bring a little empirical evidence to support this phenomenon. Chart 1.1 Spiderman vs. Batman. Gift Given / % Positive/Negative. Fried up in a pan with some egg.
straitjacketfits.blogspot.com
The Straitjacket Fits: October 2004
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Tuesday, October 26, 2004. Welcome to Subway, would you like to try the Welcome Back Jared special? The FPT says motioning toward a standing cardboard cutout of the recently hired back ex-fat guy/sandwich pitchman/media phenom. I don’t really care for Skinny Jared. I mean what has he really accomplished? Ummmmno thanks. You know what I think, I’ll just have the 12-inch roast beef on wheat. Hey buddy * *, c’mere a second I say to him. For all the readers at home hey buddy is the standard greeting when app...
nonewzhomefires.blogspot.com
Home Fires: March 2005
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Thursday, March 31, 2005. The Zoo That Is Spring Break. Having the kids home for a week isn’t a bad thing, as long as we have some plans. Sitting around the house, doing nothing for a week is another story entirely. I had to make some plans, and quick. Brookfield Zoo is the best zoo in all of Illinois. When we were kids, we went to that zoo all of the time. Of course, when we were kids it was much less crowded and everything was much cheaper. Hey, the zoo’s website told me Tuesday is free day! That night...
straitjacketfits.blogspot.com
The Straitjacket Fits: February 2005
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005. Have A Very Beary Day (Chapter 7: Conquering the Earth, One Bear at a Time). I caught up to my nephew inside Build-A-Bear, and found he had already infiltrated the sanctity of the checkout counter. What was he doing behind the counter? Nobody goes behind the counter except for specially sanctioned Build-A-Bear personnel. He had no khaki pants, no powder blue square dancing shirt, and no Build-A-Bear Dream Technician nametag, so he stuck out like an extended middle finger.
