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Y.P.R.: Treatment for Plow Man: The Genesis

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Tuesday, July 7, 2009. Plow Man: The Genesis. Prequel to 1976 film. This film will shed light on the origins of Plow Man and explore the events that took place before the Snow Day Massacre depicted in the original. Your next snow angel could be your last! He will write his name in the snow … with your blood! This movie is about how Plow Man became Plow Man (Remember. Plow Man: The Genesis: The Beginning. Play a loud sound here! Rime knocks the boss onto the floor. The boss crawls over to his computer...

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Y.P.R.: The Disney Princesses Talk About Chlamydia

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2006/07/the_disney_prin.html

Wednesday, July 12, 2006. The Disney Princesses Talk About Chlamydia. Chlamydia is a lot like swallowing a poisoned apple transformed through magic by a witch. Except, instead of a poisoned apple, it’s more like bacteria living on dirty dwarf cock. The Chlamydia bacteria can grow in the throat, vagina, penis, or absolutely anywhere on that whore Sleeps-Around Beauty. Oh, I’m sorry. I mean, Aurora. Chlamydia is the only thing I still have from John Smith. What Are The Symptoms? How Do You Get It? Your mov...

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Y.P.R.: Having Felled Gore Vidal with a Punch, Only to Hear the Line "Words Fail Norman Mailer, Yet Again," Mr. Mailer Can Only Come Up with Answers in the Car, on the Way Home

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Wednesday, August 1, 2012. Having Felled Gore Vidal with a Punch, Only to Hear the Line “Words Fail Norman Mailer, Yet Again,” Mr. Mailer Can Only Come Up with Answers in the Car, on the Way Home. No — they fail you! As if they don’t, as well, sometimes also fail you, too. Sometimes. Just fuckin’ with you, man. Well, self-defense fails you. Fat lips fail Gore Vidal. [. Note: could lead to retaliatory kiss. Maybe, but my fist is a success! Just wanted to see if a black eye twinkles.

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Y.P.R.: Reasons Why the Female Characters in Certain Male-Written Fiction Are Not Like Actual Women at All

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Wednesday, May 11, 2005. Reasons Why the Female Characters in Certain Male-Written Fiction Are Not Like Actual Women at All. We’re sorry, but trying to portray the thoughts, feelings, and motives of irrational people is actually impossible. Please, think clearly before you react. Irrationality precludes meaning, does it not? And meaning is what fiction is all about, is it not? Look, calm down. We can’t understand you when you scream and flail your arms like a child. Are you hyper-ventilating? We’ll tell ...

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Y.P.R.: It's a Wonderful Life: Alternate Ending

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Monday, December 20, 2010. It’s a Wonderful Life. In which a middle-aged Harry Bailey,. No longer a war hero and still depressed. About his older brother’s attempted suicide,. Himself begins to consider jumping off a bridge. But is interrupted by an absent-minded angel. Who compels him to walk through Bedford Falls. Not as it would be if he’d never been born. But as it would be if he’d been born Mr. Potter’s son:. He never would have gone to war—never. Would have won the Medal of Honor. Every man.

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Yankee Pot Roast: Calendrical Happenings Archives

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Reprinting some of Y.P.R.'s Francophilia. Happy Festival of Lights! Some Thoughts on Improving Hannukkah! Let's settle on the spelling. No more of that ". Black Friday Doorbuster Specials at the Dollar Store! Knockoff brand names at F.D.A.-rejected Chinese brand prices! Yup We're gonna run this one every year. This year, Mother's Day is gonna be. Some Nature Haiku /. Grand Theft Auto IV. S Special Issues / Big Deal! Why should this night be different from all other nights? My Rejected Submission to.

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Y.P.R.: Money-Saving Holiday Shopping Tips from the Wizard of Oz

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010. Money-Saving Holiday Shopping Tips from the Wizard of Oz. AM OZ, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE. Those who come before me cannot help but to cower and quail at my flaming visage. But I still have limits on my credit cards, and during these recessionary times, even mighty despots with enormous Heads have to count their pennies. Follow the Brown Brick Road. So I guess he can have those. My girlfriend, meanwhile, has been asking for designer shoes. She’s green with envy over the ru...

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Y.P.R.: Kübler-Ross's Five Stages of Advent

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Wednesday, December 15, 2010. Kübler-Ross’s Five Stages of Advent. Days 1 10: DENIAL. I wonder if any radio stations have switched to Christmas music yet. I should go caroling this year. How does that work—are there clubs? I definitely need to put up a tree. A real tree, one I cut down myself. And I should send out a Christmas card. None of that e-card crap. I hope it snows soon! 8212; Chop down Christmas tree. 8212; Send out Christmas cards. 8212; Get ironic holiday sweater out of cedar closet—wash.

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Y.P.R.: Harry Potter and the Last Chance to Recycle These Jokes

http://www.yankeepotroast.org/archives/2011/07/harry_potter_an_4.html

Tuesday, July 19, 2011. Harry Potter and the Last Chance to Recycle These Jokes. If you’re of the sort who gets all pissy about cats being let out of bags. Um, also, we should point out that the author, Ms. Verlizzo, did not forewarn the noble Y.P.R. editors and thus ruined the book for us before we cracked its spine. If anyone would like to purchase an unopened copy of. Please send a nickel. 652 pages. Six hundred and fifty-two. After. Order of the Phoenix. Snape infuriates me: I always thought he was w...