bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 20: Passion, Unbridled.
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-20-passion-unbridled.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 20: Passion, Unbridled. It was the dinner hour, the hour when dinner was served. Therefore, we sat down to eat dinner. Which was a heaping spoonful of dinner, served with a side of dinner. Over dinner, the Colonel questioned me about whence I came and when I was going to get off the property. So," began the Colonel, wiping spilled scotch from his Scotchguarded white suit, "where ya come from, ya she-whore? I said, where ya from, she-whore? What does that do? After muc...
bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 19: A Tearful Goodbye.
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-19-tearful-goodbye.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 19: A Tearful Goodbye. And "Put that back.". He had briefly played a doctor on television in the Mexican Soap, "Salsa con Queso," appearing in two of its six episodes, and then wore the scrubs to his interview at Fort Lauderdale Presbyterian. They were so impressed that he came dressed and ready to work, they hired him on the spot. They were a very, very bad hospital. Oh why, why must I always give in to the sweet, beckoning siren song of the voices? Please, Katrina, ...
bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 18: Paging Doctor Feelgood.
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-18-paging-doctor-feelgood.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 18: Paging Doctor Feelgood. The nastiness of Johnny's demise behind me, I decided to end my association with Rendol, after fulfilling a contractual obligation to film one final video with him and letting him hit me upside the head with a whiskey bottle for old times' sake. I was determined to continue my quest for the crown, and after I was done playing "Kings Quest VI," I also vowed to try to regain my own crown. Doctor," I asked, "is there any hope for me? That's my...
bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 21: Indecent Proposals.
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-21-indecent-proposals.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 21: Indecent Proposals. After our marathon lovemaking, which we conducted by running twenty-six miles around the perimeter of the ranch joined at the crotch, we collapsed, spent as the federal government. "Jack," I asked, as he popped his glass eye back into its socket, "did the earth move for you, too? Keep West Belgium, just give me that countryside! They's takin' the ranch! He yelled. "They's gonna foreclose on our mortgage! We done painted our name on the mailbox!
bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 23: Fear and Loathing in Outer Space.
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-23-fear-and-loathing-in-outer.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 23: Fear and Loathing in Outer Space. He proceeded to feel himself through the spandex and drool profusely. I was naturally aroused, and wondering where I could get my own tight jumpsuit, but he continued. They thought I was mad. Mad! Back on your surface world, I was once a powerful Hollywood producer." He handed us each a copy of his autobiography, "Howard Leeds: Big Shot Hollywood Producer," and continued. I proposed bringing it back and spicing it up a little with...
bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 27: You Are The Weakest Evolutionary Link (Goodbye!)
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-27-you-are-weakest-evolutionary.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 27: You Are The Weakest Evolutionary Link (Goodbye! I was accepted to participate on Senseless Reality Show #214. I could envision Sergei at that very moment, re-greasing his mustache in my personal bathroom, clogging up the drains with his thick, masculine clumps of tangled oily nose hairs. And then there were the citizens! Well, I was quite sure he was doing something. To them. But still, my drains! Thus another plan to reconquer my homeland had gang aft agley. ...
bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 14: Here I Go Again on My Own.
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-14-here-i-go-again-on-my-own.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 14: Here I Go Again on My Own. Having achieved a good lather all over, I moved to take hold of the high-pressure rinse gun, when a hot pink limousine screeched into the bay and slammed into me, bruising my body like Paris Hilton after a fight with her boyfriend. I vaguely recall writhing and moaning atop the hood, half-naked, soaked and sudsy, struggling to focus on the face of the man standing above me. He handed me a backstage pass. "Oy! If you live.". Chapter 18: P...
bosomloins.blogspot.com
The Bosom of My Loins: Chapter 15: Getting Whiskey Wit It.
http://bosomloins.blogspot.com/2007/09/chapter-15-getting-whiskey-wit-it.html
Saturday, September 8, 2007. Chapter 15: Getting Whiskey Wit It. By and by, I left the intensive care unit and was driven to Rendol's luxurious estate, which was surrounded by a statuary featuring sculptures of naked polo players chasing overmuscled panthers. As we approached, I studied the interior of the limo, which was upholstered tastefully in hot pink leopard print. It reminded me of my brief teenage stint as a taxidermist. Everything had been pink that year because my eye was infected. I had been u...
improperpronoun.blogspot.com
Improper Pronoun: December 2007
http://improperpronoun.blogspot.com/2007_12_01_archive.html
Pop culture can't just beat itself up. Friday, December 14, 2007. Completely Useless Movie Previews: Alvin and the Chipmunks. Gentle readers, it's that time once again, wherein I tell you everything I think I know about a film based on a glance at the trailer. And then you trust me completely, as you are wont to do. Because you're gullible like that. Alvin and the Chipmunks. Big questions are presented in this movie, many left up in the air. Will Dave get rabies? Will the chipmunks take home the Grammy?
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