tengasm.blogspot.com
tengasm: July 2008
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Wednesday, 30 July 2008. 10 reasons why Man City are better off without Ronaldinho. 1 He's so ugly, no channel would want to televise any of their games (not that they would want to now, either.). 2 There is relatively little call in Manchester for people with the ability to eat an apple through a tennis racket. 3 His poor command of English would inevitably lead to him referring to the club as Man Shitty. 5 He might overshadow the mighty Darius Vassell. As indeed is "Hello". Of the adult genre). With sp...
tengasm.blogspot.com
tengasm: August 2008
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Friday, 15 August 2008. 10 lessons from the lav, as last night's curry dissolves both arse and plumbing. 1 Don't take dinner recommendations from a grinning midget with red teeth. 2 In these circumstances it is advisable to ring ahead and warn the North Sea. Norwegians take a dim view of losing ships to radioactive faecal matter. 3 Rectal prolapse does not just happen to cats. 4 Eat more fibre, buy sturdier pants. 5 Dodgy curry 1 pound of green grapes = what the Germans charmingly refer to as "durchfall".
spasmgasm.blogspot.com
spasmgasm: September 2008
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The internet's premium public notice board. May contain text. Monday, 15 September 2008. Invitation to private auction for Mother's Day (UK/IE). Gasmpire Auctioneers and Wholesale Pilchard Distributors invite you to the private auction of Mother's Day in the UK and Ireland. In the United Kingdom and Ireland, Mothering Sunday, also called "Mother's Day", falls on the fourth Sunday of Lent (exactly three weeks before Easter Sunday). It is your duty. Subscribe to: Posts (Atom).
tengasm.blogspot.com
tengasm: Carlsson can't truly enjoy himself unless he's:
http://tengasm.blogspot.com/2009/03/carlsson-cant-truly-enjoy-himself.html
Friday, 20 March 2009. Carlsson can't truly enjoy himself unless he's:. 1 Offending someone, preferably the recently deceased;. 2 Stocked up on White Ace;. 3 More successful than his opponents in Jeopardy, by some margin;. 4 Unable to catch a lit cigarette whilst someone is filming whilst exclaiming "how cool am I? With a futile timbre;. 5 Within an arm's length of his private parts at all times;. 6 Able to make Steve feel guilty;. 8 Constantly aware of the direction of north;.
tengasm.blogspot.com
tengasm: Why-don't-they-already-exist festivals
http://tengasm.blogspot.com/2009/10/why-dont-they-already-exist-festivals.html
Friday, 9 October 2009. 10,000 middle-aged ugly people fucking in self. Catering chalets in a leisure-park on the outskirts of Doncaster, while. An Eagles covers band play Hotel California 24 hours a day for the. A Bacchanalian orgy taking place in an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Filled with recently harvested seal blubber. In the absence of newly. Butchered seals, any amount of liposuction wastage or corpulent. 3 The annual Mudcraft Gathering. Mud Excellence awards, now sadly defunct. Once every thousan...
tengasm.blogspot.com
tengasm: February 2009
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Saturday, 28 February 2009. 1 I shall put a cat poo in my phone, and, in time, it will emerge in your ear. 2 I will start a low level leafleting campaign, informing your neighbours and local wildlife that you have a tiny tinkle, and that your botty is infected with icky poos. 3 I'll have you gently aroused with tinned salmon until you admit that you fancy your grandmother's catgut tennis racket. 5 I shall insist on calling you "Claudia" every time we meet on a Thursday. You have been warned. 3 Rebrand Be...
tengasm.blogspot.com
tengasm: Ten alternate uses for Belgium
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Thursday, 26 February 2009. Ten alternate uses for Belgium. 1 Give it to the Dutch. As a nation they're only marginally less superfluous than the Belgians, but at least they can play football. Who edits this shit? 5 Ahh shit. we can't think of any more alternate uses for Belgium. Sorry. Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom). Ten alternate uses for Belgium.
tengasm.blogspot.com
tengasm: Ten facts concerning the death of Natasha Richardson
http://tengasm.blogspot.com/2009/03/ten-facts-concerning-death-of-natasha.html
Thursday, 19 March 2009. Ten facts concerning the death of Natasha Richardson. It is such a tremendous loss. she was an actor, you know. 1 Her death will make little or no difference to her acting style. She'll still be a stiff in front of the audience (note: her demise may have a slight negative effect on the long-term prospects of her acting career). 6 When she died, a thousand penguins burst into tears, inadvertently creating several million cubic kilometers of new icebergs. 8 Following her departure,...
goldenkippers.blogspot.com
Golden Kippers: April 2006
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006. The Colour of Climate. Forget kissing babies. Any politician worth his or her salt is going to be smooching with huskies and glaciers in the run-up to next week’s local elections. It’s enough to make your heart melt in solidarity with the ice. Just when you’ve waited years for an MP that sees the environment as a rightful vote-winner rather than a ticket to life membership of the backbenches, two come along at the same time like low-emission. Ib Dem leader Menzies ‘No-Jags’.
